Mario's good at a lot of things: Running, jumping, getting big, turning into a fire dude, being a doctor, plumbing, painting, and driving a go kart.
One thing he's not particularly good at is being a real-live human being.
YouTuber CrowbCat made a few modifications to the trailer for Super Mario Odyssey, the game that sticks Mario in a realistic urban setting, which only highlights how weird looking Mario really is. He did them one better, stucking a 6-foot tall Mario inside Grand Theft Auto, so you can see how gross it is for Mario to go to the strip club. Weird.
The idea of Mario, not only disrespecting Peach this way, but also engaging in any type of sexual situation makes me sick to my stomach. But aside from that, you can see Mario drive and explode in a helicopter, fall off a building, and meet a hail of gunfire at the hands of the Liberty City Police.
There are few things cooler than slow motion. Well, maybe fast motion, like on Benny Hill.
Anyway, things moving in fast or slow mo always looks cool. Like, for instance, check out this video from the Slow Mo Guys. They filmed a hammer smashing a mirror at 120,000 frames per seconds, slowed it down, and lived in every moment. It’s really cool.
I wish I could be that cool. Unfortunately, I move like a normal person, how ever fast that is. Sigh. Life is bad.
Here's an insane video of two bald men playing with a taser. It seems they have finished eating dinner and decided that 10,000 volts of electricity pairs well with chicken, fish, or beef.
Most would settle for a fine after-dinner cocktail or a nice port. These bald men like the smooth body of flavor that comes from the electric shock of a taser. Frankly, I wish I loved anything as much as these two shirtless men love tasing each other.
Mayhaps 2017's not going to be the shit-coated disasterpiece many of us unfortunately, collectively assumed it'd be. But if it is, let the cretins of this fair galaxy like Martin Shrekli quite literally eat shit.