What? You're telling me that there's a way to make Segways useful? NO WAI!
Why not use a hotel door handle?
I wonder if Dyson will pick up on this all-terrain enhancement.
Lost contact lens, wrist watch screw or even a diamond? Don't worry, the vacuum cleaner will help!
... Okay, you know what? No. I can't. YES PROBLEM. YES, THAT IS A PROBLEM. CUT YOUR STUPID OPTIMISTIC CRAP OUT. RAWR.
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