At least, it used to. Once it carried your germs and hairballs, now it carries your unhealthy lunch and comic books.
What? You're telling me that there's a way to make Segways useful? NO WAI!
Why not use a hotel door handle?
... Okay, you know what? No. I can't. YES PROBLEM. YES, THAT IS A PROBLEM. CUT YOUR STUPID OPTIMISTIC CRAP OUT. RAWR.
The rotisserie motor failed!