Don't worry, a couple more lagers like that and he/she will be a fine catch.

Sometimes a Tootsie Roll Pop is just a Tootsie Roll Pop, people. Don't get it twisted.

This shirt looks just as good after being thrown through the front wind shield, I swear.

Which is it, novelty t-shirt? I can't understand you when you're being purposefully contradictory like this!

TEACH ME YOUR SECRETS, CLOTHOMANCER.

I mean, coordinated couples outfits are just the sweetest thing.

Yeah, I'm going to need a stiff drink after that one.