Weird, Because I'm Looking For Someone Who Wears Everything on His Sleeve...

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DATING - PERSONALS:

"Totally cute and awesome goth chick looking for elder-statesmen straight-shooter who is totally only into goth chicks for NSA fun-times. Must be partially bald and otherwise physically unfit. No scammers or frauds."

Printed in: "The Daily WILL NEVER EXIST," Vol. X Issue: IN YOUR DREAMS.

You Think So, Buddy?

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Ted is here to bring you the gift of "sitting on the couch," "complaining about the Cubs," and "asking for another beer." Truly he is a deity among men.

Love Is Blind

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The fact that they've never seen each others' faces probably explains how they've been together as long as they have.

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