This Shirt Will Change Your Life

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patriotism,tank top,review,poorly dressed,g rated
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"I wasn't ready for this shirt.
I bought it for a 4th of July party, thinking it would be a fun gag shirt. Little did I know. I pulled it out of the box and immediately sank to my knees and wept tears of pure joy, and by "pure joy" I mean "pure Jack Daniel's". I strapped it on and my bench press increased by a 100lbs. [sic] I whipped [sic] the whisky from my face, looked in the mirror, and in my reflection I saw him behind me.
George Washington. Looking stern and powerful. He nodded once, an affirmation. I knew what I had to do.
I flung myself from the bathroom window and this shirt literally turned me into a bald eagle. I flew over Iraq and pooped tomahawk missiles on ISIS positions, then I flew back home and turned into a 1967 Pontiac GTO and drove all night until I arrived at P**town. Population: Me.

Stop. Patriotism Time.

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merica,pants,parachute pants,patriotism
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Alternatively: "'Merica's back on a brand new MISSION."

How Much Love For America? Full Body Suit Love.

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america,body suit,merica,patriotism
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These colors don't run. Except when I go on my morning jog, then they sorta saunter around.

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