My father giving me "The Talk" My Father: So, hun, i found... stuff <porn> on your computer... Me: I'm not doing anything, Dad My Father: Just wanted to let you know that if anything were to, ahem, come up... there's condom in my sock drawer. <Father leaves> Me: Did my father just give me permission to have sex?

(My mom's sex talk with my youngest brother): Listen here Peter Rabbit, you stay out of Mrs. McGreggor's garden!

(My dad's home is kinda little so him and my brother sleep in the same bed, one morning he told me this): Dad: Hey, have you talked to your brother about masturbation? Me (laughing): No! Why? Dad: 'Cause last night he was fapping right next to me.