(My five year old son): Mom, I'm gay. Me: Really? So you want to marry boys? Son: No, I like girls. Me: Sweetie, then you aren't gay. That means boys who love boys, and girls who love girls. You are heterosexual. Son: Look mom, I just wanna be gay but marry a girl! Me: ... Well I guess that's how some gay guys do it...

Me: I am way more romantic than you, Mom. Mom: Just because you read all those romance novels? You haven't even had sex. Me: No, I meant that you just don't act romantic. I wasn't talking about sex. Mom: I've had more sex than you, so HA!