(When I was younger, walking down the street and we passed a group of guys when one spits on the floor)
Grandmother: You gonna pick that up punk?
Grandmother: Yeah, I'm gonna stay here untill you clean it up!
Guy: How do you want me to do that?
Grandmother: LICK IT UP OR SOMETHING!
(Grandma keeps staring at him until the guy cleans it off of the street.)
(My wife and I going to the hospital while she's in labor.)
Me: Excuse me, my wife is in labor.
Nurse: OK, is she having contractions?
Nurse: How bad are they?
Wife: (In the middle of a contraction) I WILL F**KING KILL YOU FOR THIS!!!!
Me: That bad.
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