A 12-Year-Old Colorado Girl Was Arrested for Attempting to Poison Her Mother Over iPhone Privileges, Because #KidsTheseDays

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Allegedly the girl hatched a revenge plot to murder her mother after her iPhone was taken away. That sentence is a real event and not something we pulled from a psychology case study on sociopathy.

Boulder County police arrested the tween after her mother reported her for the second poisoning incident. The first, when the child poured bleach into her mother's smoothie, which mom was able to detect by smell (and here we thought it was the pricepoint of a Vitamix that would kill you ZING).

Then she tried the same stunt with a carafe of water that her mother kept in her bedroom. This is probably the ballsiest move in the entire story, because seriously who tries the same matricidal nonsense twice? That's just poor form, Olivia (in the story I am assuming the child's name is Olivia because they're all named Olivia, run with me here).

To conclude, another case of pre-teen case of severe empathy lack solved by the power of a mom who won't take any nonsnse... and maybe a little help from Mr. Yuck.

Apparently, Noah Ritter Made Such a Splash That He Landed a Follow-Up Interview

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His apparently-laden interview went viral; apparently, he knows the word because he "went to school and has a large brain."

We Present to You... News Tonight Featuring Adorable Kids

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mynickname86's nieces really wanted to make a news report so he set up a green screen and this is the result.

Sorry, Canada.

This Five Year Old is More of a 1337 Haxx0r Than You

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5 year old Kristoffer Von Hassel figured out that he could log into his dad's Xbox Live account without a password by entering spaces into a second password verification screen after entering the wrong password at the login screen. Kristoffer's father notified Microsoft, and they've now listed Kristoffer as a "security researcher" on their website. He's also received four games, fifty bucks, and a year of Xbox Live.