(My 70-something year old grandparents were telling me of a time that they were stalked by a mountain lion during a family campout.) Grandma: So there we were just strolling through the forest whe- Grandpa: No, YOU were strolling, I was walking like a MAN!

(Little brother picks up mom's wine glass from the counter): Uncle Ralph: DON'T DRINK THAT! (Takes it away.) Me: Good job! Uncle Ralph: (Returns with can of beer) This is a MAN'S drink! Chug it!