(Driving by a local video store): Me: I find it ironic that the video store named "Family Video" is the only one left in town with a porn section. Mom: I know, and the selection sucks!

Me: I just saw the coolest bumper sticker, it said "My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips". Mom (totally seriously): That's not nice, I never try to make you feel guiltly, do I? It would really hurt my feelings if you think I did.