Me: Im shooting daggars out of my eyes.
Dad: Im shooting farts out of my ass.
(A little while later,)
When you're not home I'm going to fart on your pillow.
For easier reading: One is an "Incident report" that disciplined another child for choking someone. The other is an "Accident report" about the other child being choked.
(Talking about my mum's partner.)
Sister: But you do love each other, I know that.
Mum: It's a fine line between love and hate and the cutlery drawer.
Sister: You're never too old to-
Mum: To stab someone? No.
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