Dad: If you want to date, date somebody who's going to harass you, so I'll at least have an excuse when the police bring me into custody.
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Mom: You can't marry a guy with a big butt. Big butts run in our family; We have to breed them down!
Me: Mom, there was this thing in the 20s and 30s, you may have heard of it... Eugenics?
Mom: I like my breeding program better than Hitler's.
Me: Talked to that guy.
Mom: Did you tell him you were available and easy?
Me: Um, what?
Mom: Well, it's been real. I'm going to bed. See you tomorrow!
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