Me: *answers* This is road kill cafe you kill we grill it, this is Sam speaking!
Mom's boyfriend: *hangs up*
Mom: Why'd you do that!?
Me: Don't worry he'll be by to pick up his fried raccoon in an hour.
Dad: You know what I'll do when you bring a boy you like to meet me?
Me(a little worried): What?
Dad: I'll take him out into the yard to talk with him. Make him dig a hole, then bury him in it.
Dad: If you want to date, date somebody who's going to harass you, so I'll at least have an excuse when the police bring me into custody.
Get more mobile lols at Autocowrecks!
Shoplifting and Social Media Bragging Really Don't Mix
Go Make Us Proud!
A Playing Armadillo is as Adorably Roly Poly as you Would ...
With Customer Service Like This, of COURSE People Want to ...
10 Amazing Bets You Will Always Win
What If Disney Princesses Were Sloths
You Are Doing it Wrong of the Day: Three Ford Mustangs Try ...
Give This One a Second to Sink In...
Photoshop Battle of the Day: The Unimpressed Lizard
Your Brain is Weak and Playing Tricks on You: None of These ...
Pick Your Site Name
Tell me more