(Wondering why my sisters and my birthdays are all in January and February, expecting an aniversary or birthday.) Me: What's nine months before January? Mom: Baseball season Me: What?!?! Mom: It's the only time I drink beer

(To my 3 year old niece who is pretending to be a baby doll's mother) Me: Josie, did that baby come from your belly? (Josie looks at me as if I were the dumbest girl on Earth.) Josie: No, it came from my uterus!