(My 70-something year old grandparents were telling me of a time that they were stalked by a mountain lion during a family campout.) Grandma: So there we were just strolling through the forest whe- Grandpa: No, YOU were strolling, I was walking like a MAN!

(Dad and sister talking about people who tame monkeys.) Sister: How come there are always birds when people with monkeys are putting on a show? Dad: That's because the monkey tamers tame the monkeys to teach the birds to swoop down low whilst you are looking at the monkeys are steal your stuff Sister: Really? Dad: Yup

Mom: .... OH MY GOD. Me: What? Mom: I DIDNT KNOW OWLS HAD WINGS. Me:.... W-what? Mom: I THOUGHT THEY WERE JUST CHUBBY LITTLE CREATURES.