If you need to check your personal emails at work, make sure your computer is not connected to the public screen which displays announcements. People WILL see the nude photos of you and your wife. And by people I mean 50. #LFMF
When your husband gets out of the shower and starts to do a little dance get out of the way because he will trip over a table and you will end up with a penis in your eye. #LFMF
If you decide to have a practical joke war for an entire week with your brother, remember why he was kicked out of three summer camps. You will be hit with RPG's (rocket propelled garbage), woken up at 3 am and locked out of the house naked, and be covered with shaving cream when you fall asleep on the couch. This will end badly. #LFMF
When doing a delivery and someone answers the door in a towel, tell them to get dressed and you will wait. If the towel hits the floor you can't unsee what is under the towel. #LFMF
When you come home early from a trip, it is never a good idea to wake your sleeping wife by sweetly stroking her hair, especially if you are naked. Your ears will bleed from the blood curdling scream. And she will punch you in the junk. #LFMF
When you think your grandpa is running on his treadmill because the radio is on and you are the only one there besides him, ALWAYS knock/make a ton of noise when going up the stairs to use the bathroom. He may just be sitting at the computer... naked. #LFMF
Whenever your in your house, alone, and you decide its a nice time to chill on the couch naked, close the blinds. People walk outside them constantly, and you will be stared at. And have your picture taken before you notice what's going on. Its even worse if you're female. #LFMF
Scientifically Accurate: CatDog
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