Let's be honest, saying that sex will be your significant others' only birthday present is a little cheap. Unless he or she would normally pay for it. In which case you're a prostitute, not a lover.
Today I learned that "foams" is slang for "shoes." I'm very white.
When someone rejects your offer to send him or her pictures of your male appendage, just blame it on autocorrect. Are you listening, Anthony Weiner?
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