Let's be honest, saying that sex will be your significant others' only birthday present is a little cheap. Unless he or she would normally pay for it. In which case you're a prostitute, not a lover.
When someone rejects your offer to send him or her pictures of your male appendage, just blame it on autocorrect. Are you listening, Anthony Weiner?
Today I learned that "foams" is slang for "shoes." I'm very white.
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