An Absentee Excuse That's Worth a Lifetime

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You're welcome, young stranger! Unless this is spam in which case go die in a fire.

Slide to Unlock: So Easy a Baby Could Do It

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Part of Apple's NEW Indoctrinate 'Em While They're Young™ campaign.

Oh Yeah Baby, Lather Up That Johnson & Johnsons

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From the submitter:

Creep messaging me on dailybooth might've gotten a little more literal than he wanted.