wtf

We live in a world full of unconventional hazards. Random explosions, sinkholes, radiation, chlorine gas leaks, gorilla escapes, sewage tidal waves and mosquitos are all things that we feel need some kind of creepy warning signs for. Oh, also aerated water, poisonous plants, electricity, slippery rocks, angry hippos, quicksand and heavy machinery need some spooky warning signs as well. Also cliffs.

Everybody's family is a little weird in some way, but as a kid, you don't know any better. This leads to most of us having an awkward moment later on with friends, a scene along the lines of "hold on, not everyone's family has one day of the month where their dad eats as many cans of tuna as possible and then comes over and breathes on everyone?" or "wait a second, my mom always told me the blue parking spaces up front were for people in the very busy mom club?" Life is full of discovery. At least it's a little better than people later realizing something was illegal.

They say that life never gives you more than you can handle, but isn't that a bit of a logical fallacy? We're sort of built to withstand punishment, so just seeing how much we're willing to take is an exercise in futility. Like, of course people "handle" the merciless world around them if you count "handling" as just standing there and taking it. Sounds like some survivorship bias. Whatever chaos occurs, the world keeps on turnin'.

The universe is shifty and unpredictable, and it's impossible to know when an unforeseen danger will be thrown right at you. But sometimes our spidey senses light up, allowing us to make either fast or seemingly precognitive decisions that help us dodge massive bullets. Sometimes a crazy close call is up to chance, but other times people feel a gut instinct keeping them safe.

We live in an unfair world, but one of the great levelers is the belief that at some point in time, everyone is going to have a bad day. It's a lot harder to believe that when people and things get singled out so unfairlythat reality becomes absurd. It seems like sometimes people and things get singled outto the point that it seems comically impossible for them to catch a break.

In most cases, someone offering to tell you about a dream they had is the most boring and stupid waste of 5 minutes you can engage in. But when it's from the twisted mind of a tumblr user, and it's about operating an all-clown meat deli, it's really hard not to pay attention. It's got action, crime, drama, science and most importantly a whole lotta clown meat. Here are some more funny, random and shiny tumblr gems.

Kids are weird and they lie a lot, but there's a really strange tendency for three and four-year-olds to mention "back when I flew helicopters in 'nam" or "my previous mother wasn't as nice as you." Is it a weird combination of dreams they had, the power of suggestion, and the fact that kids sometimes don't know what they're saying? Almost certainly. Is it also extremely creepy when a very small child insists that they were a crooked cop who was buried in an unmarked grave? Very much so, yeah. Here's a twitter thread of people's kids saying similarly creepy stuff.

Existence is weird. We take it for granted. It's as if we're conditioned from a young age to overlook the more notably mysterious matters of this thing we call life. Some moments are weirder than others. Like, you feel like you witnessed a literal video game glitch, but it's your life. Sometimes, you encounter an experience that defies the very nature of the reality that you occupy. From there, hopefully you can tell some willing listening ears. Otherwise, you can always share your surreal encounter on a thread like the one we have here. 

There's a type of business that makes itself deliberately hard to navigate just so they can charge weird fees. Some companies will even hide or delay just how much interest they've charged just to bully customers into paying for late fees they didn't even know existed. Navigating the corporate landscape as one person can be an absolute nightmare, but after dealing with the absurd process of paying their own mortgage, this person realized they didn't have to put up with the nonsense. For another tale of financial absurdity, here's a guy who got hounded for a trivial debt and ended up mailing them a dime.

Thinking he was making the more affordable choice, this guy accidentally ate himself a few hundred dollar's worth of high-end beef. Without the knowledge that this is how restaurants price this stuff, we would probably have made the same mistake. For some other things to not buy, here are absurdly overpriced things people have seen.

Even though satirical news has been around for decades, people still have a really hard time parsing out fact from fiction. Sometimes they'll write-off a absurdly funny headline as fake news. Other times they'll react with appropriate shock after reading a "report" that the gates of hell have been opened. It's funny, but also kinda really disappointing when sadly mistaken people don't understand satire.

It's a not-unheard-of occurrence in relationships: "either the dog goes or I go." People who set this kind of ultimatum often have a very uninformed view on how much people like their pets. If the cat has been around for 10 years and you've been around for 3 months, don't expect an outcome in your favor. That said, pets aren't always stoic beacons of morality. For example here's Prancer, the irredeemable dog and these pets who shamelessly wrecked stuff.

They say ignorance is bliss, and that's mostly true until reality smashes into your face faster than you can say "I'd rather not." We live in a world of secrets, and the unsettling irony is that the most unassuming, trustworthy people are also the ones who are just the best at keeping them. You hope those secrets are wholesome, but lets be honest that's usually not the case. For things you might rather not want to see, here are some strange and cursed images of internet weirdness.

We live in a world of competing wants and needs, and it's a mark of basic decency for a person to have at least some understanding of what to expect from other people. Entitled people and their absurd audacity seem hellbent on ignoring convention, taking more than their fair share, and being exceedingly rude about it all the way down. Ever had a complete stranger try to call the cops on you for not giving them your bike? The world's entitled people se no problem with it.

This person asked if they were right to walk out after their boss tried some weird manipulative BS by "not accepting" their two wees notice. It seems like they were well within their right, and are better off to have that garbage behind them. For another interesting quitting story, here's an employee who walked out and got a promotion out of it.