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Tumblr: a magical website with the bizarre, the hilarious and the unexpected. Think you've seen it all? Think again. The best one-liners, random threads and weird thoughts are yet to be discovered. 

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Tumblr Thread: Aliens Fear of Humans Is a Galactic Feels Trip

The internet has a whole lot of fun with the idea of humans and their role in the universe. Take for example this thread about how humans will pack bond with anything. It's in a way flattering to read sci fi about humans being intergalactic orcs or killing machines, and this one kicks off with a bang.

Tumblr sci fi story about aliens afraid of humans
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Tumblr Thread: Humans Will Pack Bond With Anything

This fun Tumblr thread escalates quickly after a few folks share their hilarious experiences with befriending some of the hard working, earnest Roombas of the world. It considers what it'd look like if there were a knife-wielding Roomba on board a human starship, and all the kinds of chaos that would inevitably ensue. For some more gold from Tumblr check out this Tumblr thread about how humans are weird, durable space orcs.

A funny Tumblr thread about how humans will pack bond with anything.
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Tumblr Thread: Crazy Reason People Believe In Witches

Man, this Tumblr thread shines light on the fascinating, potential reason that so many people were possessed by the notion that witches are real. If you currently believe they are, no judgment. That being said, this thread points out there was some intense fungus poisoning going on that could've contributed toward nasty convulsions and hallucinations. What a trip. 


A story about how witches roll | vintagegal Girls pose by jail recalls witch trials 1692 Salem, Massachusetts. Photo taken 1945. theybuildbuildings recently learned water Salem contaminated with fungus which LSD is derived and legitimate theory whole thing is everyone town tripping balls
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Tumblr Thread: Humans Doing Cool Space Things

Tumblr did some research on the fastest manmade object. By the sound of it this manhole cover was launched into space with such monstrous force that it could've punched a hole through a planet. Maybe the aliens will touch base some day in the future, and ask us why we went and did something like that. 

A funny Tumblr thread about the fastest manmade object in space | REI tilthat TIL unconfirmed record fastest moving manmade object is manhole cover propelled by nuclear detonation high-speed camera trained on lid caught only one frame moving upward before vanished-which means moving about 125,000 miles per hour via reddit.com
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Tumblr Thread: Cats are Verbose, Irrational Narcissists

Tumblr figured that cats are as narcissistic as a hateable mother-in-law, as selfish as a child, and as dramatic as a late 1800s playwright. Sure, maybe not the cats you like, but definitely the rest of them. Amazingly, these kinds of observations come from the kinds of people who would say they like cats. For some more cat stuff, here's a tumblr thread on how cats ended up getting domesticated.

Tumblr discusses self involvement of cats | froody Follow Removes my cat my lap do something else My cat: Father is evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable love am running away am packing my little rucksack and going out explore world as lone vagabond can no longer thrive this household. cryoverkiltmilk Follow spiritual successor
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Tumblr Thread: Octopuses Are Clever Brain Lords

This quick and informative collection of Tumblr posts shines some light on the fascinating, slimy, intellectual behemoths that are the octopuses of this world. Basically, you better be ready for some eerie and deeply unsettling trickery if you're going to be a security guard at an aquarium that houses octopuses. And you better make sure that there are no bad shrimp in the batches that you're feeding them. 

Check out some more gold from Tumblr with this thread about customers' mythically powerful coffee orders.

A funny Tumblr thread about how insane octopi are | tilthat TIL Marine biologists are claiming there is rare instance non-human warfare happening between octopuses waters off coast Australia octopuses are fighting large groups over territory and even using projectiles such as seashells spit at enemies. via reddit.com pain-and-missouri Octopi are intense bransrath prefer octopedes celticpyro “Animals don't go war because they're cinnamon rolls unlike ebil humans uwu" Check-fucking-mate Linda,
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Americans And Brits Duke It Out On Tumblr

We always love a little good old cultures clash on Tumblr. So, comparing Hershey's chocolate to any chocolate sold back in England is a grave, mortal sin. Duly noted. Also, that whole bit about how the Brits call it "maths" while Americans call it math was a trip. If you enjoyed these funny Tumblr moments, check out this Twitter thread where cultures clash over canned chicken.

A collection of funny Tumblr moments where Americans and Brits clash on Tumblr | snorlaxatives: quiettimeeverytime: snorlaxatives: do british people really eat beans on toast as meal america is everyone ignorant just question damn no need get hostile go eat some beans on toast 3 setheverman Source: snorlaxatives
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Tumblr Thread: Customers' Mythically Powerful Coffee Orders

The life of a barista is a weird one. When every customer you have is someone who hasn't had their first coffee of the day, there's no knowing what kind of people can lumber in. Some take on the challenge and become a barista that's the living definition of chaotic good. Others just stand in awe and watch a 46-year-old woman drink 8 Red Bulls worth of caffeine in a single swig.

Tumblr thread on customers crazy coffee orders | say this jokingly but had customer actually order pumpkin spice latte with 9 shots espresso (also no whip) and asked her verify she did indeed want 9 shots espresso she looked dead eyes and said have 5 kids" witchcraft-with-space-bean once had woman come and ordered an Americano with 19 shots espresso drink took ages held up line asked
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Wholesome Tumblr Dragon Story Makes Way for Dumb Pun

Tumblr ain't nothing without a writing prompt or two, and this short dragon thing is at least a little nugget of wholesomeness to spend some time on. For a bigger one, here's a tumblr thread on angels and demons bonding over sandwiches. The cogs of Tumblr are always turning out random tumblr gems.

wholesome tumblr dragon story pun | Early one morning pull down favourite cup, only find small dragon, curled up and sleeping contentedly inside. archmarastyden Confused and still half asleep take cup outside empty dragon carefully onto grass, then return rinse cup and make coffee next morning he is back, curled snuggly inside cup as before and repeat process.
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Totally Random And Hilarious Tumblr Nuggets

The world of Tumblr is filled with rabbit holes and strange, yet hilarious observations about this strange thing we called existence. If you haven't gotten lost in a Tumblr thread about how Magenta isn't really a color, or maybe fallen down a different rabbit hole that was all about the scary monster plant that is Kudzu, then you clearly haven't really lived yet. 

A collection of funny moments from the minds of people on Tumblr | xtraterrestrials my personal curse is knowledge function best with rigid structure and strict routine but am almost totally incapable independently establishing or maintaining structure and routine curlyfrywho Don't forget this special feature: at same time hating people tell do | cherenigans: do think whoever designing default netflix avatar made mistake somewhere but just sat there laughing at result so long whole design team
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Quick Tumblr Thread Imagines J.R.R. Tolkien And C.S. Lewis Beefin

Grievances in the literary world are no joke. This quick and funny Tumblr thread takes a look at how some of their hypothetical differences could've gone. Just don't get Tolkien started on the plural of dwarf. 

A quick and funny Tumblr thread imagines Tolkien and CS Lewis beefing | lesbianrey Follow hi tolkien here are my ocs call them Elves (not elfs if call them elfs will block they look like humans but they're tall, live forever, and have pointy ears s bye katobleps Follow cs lewis: are alright with constructive criticism dont want sound mean tolkien: no go ahead want hear cs lewis: they fucking suck tolkien: thats not constructive criticism 788 51 Comments Like Comment Share lazytechsupport
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Tumblr Thread: Kudzu Is A Scary Monster Plant

Ah yes, leave it to the brilliant minds of Tumblr to take us down a rabbit hole about how plants can genuinely wage war against the rest of the world. In this case, we're talking about the kudzu. The kudzu plants would fit right into a horror novel. Check out some more gold from Tumblr with this thread about the still-on submarines. 

A funny Tumblr post about how nature can end up being very frightening | inconsequential S linesofreturninggeese Follow just-shower-thoughts Follow Building treehouse is biggest insult tree killed friend, here hold him mojave-wasteland-official "Friend" Its more killed potential enemy. Hold his dismembered corpse victory. theun--sj Follow Plants don't wage war
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Tumblr Post: Cowboy Tips Make Great Life Advice

This quick and entertaining Tumblr post highlights some golden nuggets of wisdom from a Cowboy Tips passage, of all things. Maybe all that any of us need to make it in this crazy game of life, is to just remember some solid cowboy tips. That could be it. Check out some more gold from Tumblr with this thread about the still-on submarines.

A quick Tumblr post on how cowboy tips end up making for great life advice | generalgrievousdatingsim im reading about cowboy phrases and sayings and like 95 them are just solid life advice generalgrievousdatingsim | Things Cowboy Should Not Do Here are some words live by according cowboys. Some are really good advice and all are funny cowboy sayings Don't squat with spurs on Don't let yearnings get ahead earnings Don't dig water under outhouse Don't go if don't know way out Don't mess with some
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Tumblr Post: Humans Get Curiosity Rover To Sing Happy Birthday

It's quick Tumblr posts like this that manage to remind us that humans can be ridiculously awesome sometimes. Just picturing all these brilliant minds gathered around celebrating the moment that they successfully got the Mars Curiosity Rover to sing "Happy Birthday!" to itself is enough to get the good feels rolling. 

A quick Tumblr post about humans getting Mars Curiosity Rover to sing happy birthday to itself. | Sandra Tayler @SandraTayler Sometimes forget humans are amazing think curiosity singing Happy Birthday on Mars, and this response:
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Tumblr Thread: Closest Things Earth Has To Eldritch Abomination Gods

Uh, let's not forget about this Eldritch abomination from that recent story about a good old fashioned livestock drama. Alright, that being said the Sun really is a deadly laser. Yikes. Fear the old gods, indeed. 

A Tumblr thread about the closest things earth has to Eldritch abomination gods | gayarsonist are sun ocean and nuclear radiation michaelshelleys sun: unfathomably ancient, here before all us and will outlive us all by billions years its light is so strong prolonged exposure can burn or blind even millions miles away once worshipped as god by various religions and cults who made sacrifices appease will eventually expand as burns
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Tumblr Thread: Why Frogs Have Got Weird Bones

Apparently frogs flop around so much it wouldn't be worth it for them to have rib cages. And in conjunction with that, they don't breath the same way something with a ribcage might. It'd be nice to have less bones to break. Tumblr can get way into animal anatomy, like this thread about horse sizes being ridiculous.

Tumblr thread on frog bones | magistrate--mediocrity Frogs basically don't have ribs because they hop they just fucking belly flop onto ground. Evolution never got around giving them ribs because wouldn't be worth broken ribs every time frogs decided go out on land. As result intercostal muscles responsible breathing most vertebrates never developed. Frogs (and most amphibians) rely almost solely on buccal pumping
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