stories

We put so much effort into not getting played that sometimes we play ourselves. We're just glad we've never taken it as far as these folks did, like throwing darts into themselves and incapacitating themselves with pizza rolls. People injure themselves in stupid ways all the time. Some ways are just more entertaining than others.

Life is full of attempts. Sometimes you're trying to fix a sidewalk. Sometimes you're just trying to get a point across, guilt-trip someone or seem cool online. Sometimes people are outright trying to be bullies. Life has its ways of making sure that all of these attempts see glorious failure. For more failed attempts, here are some failed attempts that deserve public ridicule.

The world has no shortage of bad first dates. Sure, a bad date is disappointing. But on the plus side, finding out someone sucks from the moment you meet them is a real time saver. And when you get knocked down, you can always get back to swiping on tinder.

There are a lot of ways to fail a driving test. You could roll through a stop sign or forget how to use your blinker. If you're really bad, you could even hit the instructor. We're not sure why you'd want to fail a driving test. Maybe you're afraid of the scary things you could see while driving at night.

Some people grow out of it, some don't. Children are stupid idiots. Sure, they're just learning everything about the world for the first time, but hot damn are they dumb as rocks for a while there. We were dumb too. We're still dumb, but we can do long division and drive, so that's pretty good. 

Sometimes the best thing to do is just turn around and walk away. We've heard from people who have been caught doing weird stuff, so now it's time to hear from the other side. People manage to accidentally barrel into some weird and awkward crap a lot. At a certain point all you can do is just turn around on the spot and never mention it again. Or, I guess, laugh at them.

It's okay to have enjoyed high school. Many of us didn't. In fact we have tons of cringey high school memories that we regret. But it's alright to remember high school fondly. It's the folks who still think high school is important after 10 years who may need a reality check.

Just because you see something you don't like doesn't mean it's an emergency. 911 dispatchers get dumb calls all the time. Luckily they're there to sift through the people having a meltdown in traffic and grandmas who think the kids on their lawn are terrorists so cops can respond to actual crimes.

Rogersimon10 is a prolific commenter on askreddit who is able to railroad any wholesome story into his dad beating him with jumper cables. It's a dark kind of trolling, and it's pretty dumb, but we admire his commitment to the bit. You never expect the jumper cables. He's a bit like Ken M, but with jumper cables.

One of the most frustrating parts of a teacher's job is having to deal with parents who don't want to be involved, don't want to put in the effort, or are absolutely insane. It provides a lot of insight into why their kids might be not doing well in school.

There are a lot of reasons to leave a job. Maybe you get a better offer at a different place for more money. Hell, maybe the job just sucks. These people just happened to leave because they were violent, dumb, selfish, creepy and just plain stupid. For more like this, here are some dumbstruck employees sharing stories of their dumbest coworkers.

Communication is a very important part of every relationship, and a lack of it can lead to awkward and hilarious moments like this ex-girlfriend lease dispute. When two people aren't on the same page, one may end of throwing out the L word way too soon. Other times, the recipient might be unprepared to hear it and end up staggering on their words terribly. Anyway, relationships are often awkward and fraught with failure. Turns out there are a whole lot of ways to mess up an "I love you."

Ah, the old days. Back when life was simple. You could take candy from strangers, no one wore seatbelts and teachers could hit kids. Why did things ever change.

You may have heard funny stories about twins doing a switch, but it can go deeper than that. There are tons of stories to be had. Identical twins aren't all that rare. It's pretty likely that some went to your school. That or you yourself have a twin. If so, congrats on being the better twin.

At some point in your life, maybe even today, you're gonna be in a situation where you think to yourself "man, I hope no one sees this." If you play your cards right, no one will walk in on you playing with your collection of erotic vintage troll dolls. Sometimes people aren't so lucky with the embarrassing moments they want to keep to themselves.

You're a busy person. Cut the fat out all your scary stories. All you need is two sentences to send a rush of chills down your spine. r/twosentencehorror combines succinctness and scariness in a fun, set-up punchline style. Anyway, here are 40 sentences of highly condensed spookiness.