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Twitter Thread: Steak-Umm's Valentine's Date Fever Dream

Steak-Umm strikes gold on Twitter again. This time, it's a feverish thread about a Valentine's Day date that takes an unexpected turn down mints-falling-from-the-ceiling-lane. Yes, that happens at one point. If you don't want to engage your imagination and enjoy some vivid imagery from the wild world of Steak-Umm, then keep browsing the web as you were. 

BUT, if you want to get momentarily lost in an unpredictable, blessed, Twitter thread that doesn't make any sense but also makes total sense, then read this shit from Steak-Umm. It is a trip. 

Steak-Umm shares a Twitter thread about Valentine's Day that reads like a fever dream | tweet by Steak Steak-umm -umm @steak_umm picture this on first date. they ask if like twitter face immediately lights up. they smile and ask favorite account is. without hesitation word "steak-umm" leaves lips. steak-umm? they ask, confused reach water but 's empty
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Waiters Share Valentine's Day Disasters They Witnessed

Someone on AskReddit asked for waiters to dish out the biggest Valentine's Day disasters they witnessed. Can't imagine having to share a room with some of these arrestingly awkward fallouts between people out on dates. It's certainly a holiday ripe for romantic fails. 

Waiters share the Valentine's Day disasters that they witnessed in an AskReddit thread | reddit post WritersHardBlock walked up table and about drop off bill, caught end s over Guy looked at dead eye and said split fuckin check, right now.
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Twitter Thread: Guy Accidentally Orders The IKEA Of Sweaters

Dan Sheehan's unintentional yarn purchase went on to inspire a wonderfully punny Twitter thread. The most impressive part about this ridiculous sequence of events, is how Mr. Sheehan managed to summon the drive to try and knit the sweater in the first place. His intentions were understandable from the start though. Chris Evans did rock the hell out of that cable-knit sweater in Knives Out. 

Guy accidentally orders the IKEA of sweaters and shares a Twitter thread about the experience | tweet by Dan Sheehan @ltsDanSheehan Losing my mind because ordered thought very affordable wool sweater (like Chris Evans Knives Out obviously Norwegian website and got raw materials necessary create said sweater myself obra per kan vaskes hånd elle maskin på ullprogram. Bru ulvaskemiddel, Einul fra norske merinosaun eine Na som ge den gode das Merino et egner seg godt både oving og farging. Lebrasa
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Employee Discovers Food Allergy At Company Potluck

This employee came to learn what constitutes a food allergy, a bit later than they might have expected. The tingling that their brain had registered as perfectly "normal" was an allergic response to the bananas they were eating. Their co-workers must've gotten a kick out of the revelation. 

An employee discovers that they're allergic to bananas while at the company potluck | reddit post TIFU by not realizing allergic bananas, and making my coworkers think l'm dumbass This didn't just happen, this about year ago staff my office 95% southern ladies over 65 years old. They were mostly retired, working part time as office staff. And they LOVED potlucks, they lived them point where had one pretty much every month.
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Via TVLubber3
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The amount of energy this mad lad possesses is genuinely impressive. The dude radiates excitement, chaos, and looks like he might implode from the sheer anticipation of literally anything happening, at any moment. 

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R2-D2 In Italy Is Our New Favorite Meme

It's a simple enough meme, and it fills our hearts with boundless joy. I mean, who knew that R2-D2 "in Italy" could go on to inspire such a hilarious, incomprehensible result. Seriously, whatever that "translation" is 10 times really fast. Therein lies the beauty of it. The force is strong with this meme. 

R2D2 in Italy video meme is hilarious | star wars androids robots Bruno Henrique Sequinel R2-D2 fix elevator R2-D2 cooks pizza robot with chef's hat and mustache holding a pizza and doing the italian chef's kiss hand gesture
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Moments of Facepalm to Boost that Self-Esteem

Wash your hands and get them ready to meet our face. Moments like these are ones where you wish with all your might that people are joking. Then you think about all the ignorance you've seen in person and you realize they're probably not. For another self-esteem boost, here are some more daunting moments of disappointing facepalm.

Funny moments of people being ignorant | did beyonce go #1 100 countries there's only 7? africa, europe, asia and cant remember rest
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Terry Crews And Amazon Echo Terrify A Couple

Those Amazon Echos can get you, man. This couple experienced quite the shocking moment when the husband had unknowingly paired up with the Amazon Echo, while watching a video with Terry Crews in it. While the initial and mysterious booming voice might've been some kind of terrifying, can you imagine if Terry Crews was actually in their kitchen? 

Terry Crews voice on an Amazon Echo ends up startling a couple | tweet Arianna Bradford @TheNYAMProj 3h v Replying TheNYAMProject So last night hubs and l are bed watching TV ask my husband pause show so can go bathroom go, come back, and right as l'm getting settled hear deep, booming voice scream our kitchen.
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The Most Insulting Compliments People Have Received

Someone on AskReddit asked for people to share the most insulting compliments that they've ever received. Insulting compliments are a confusing predicament to find yourself in; on the one hand, someone just said something "nice" to you, but on the flip side, the nicety was paired with something else that pointed out how you were less than, in the person's eyes. Like, you're great, but not as good as everyone else in the room. 

AskReddit replies to the most insulting compliments that people have ever received | reddit posted by pat_patrol actually look good emphasis on 'actually' and surprise my friends voice still haunts. pic of two people sitting together.
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Employee Asks For Raise, Company Forbids Employees from Discussing Pay

When the topic of raises came up, this store manager decided to send out a company-wide email forbidding employees from openly discussing their salaries. The problem there is that that violates labor laws, and this genius decided to put their policy into writing. An unfair boss can be the source of drama and justice, like this security guard who go the last laugh or this manager who tried to fire an employee for following the rules.

Boss forbids people discussing salaries and threatens to fire those who ask for raises | lieu an all store meeting 8:46 AM wanted have face face meeting with everyone regarding this, but schedules just don't allow s important enough get this information everyone clarity. Just have been hearing some noise and want make sure everyone understands and is on same page If have ANY issue/question regards salary/incentives/benefits there are 2 people can speak with is an understood rule within workplace
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Guy "Ruins" Friend's Wedding With Heavy Metal Song

This guy asked the people of Reddit whether or not he was in the wrong for his song choice at a friend's wedding. It sounds like heavy metal could've been a tough choice for the crowd. People seem to be suggesting that it was a jerk move, with them knowing what the song was about. You be the judge. 

Guy asks people on Reddit whether he's a jerk for playing heavy metal music at his friend's wedding | AITA ruining my friends wedding with metal? My wife (30F) and 32M) were invited my friend (31M)'s wedding. He's fairly close friend have seen each other about 2-3 times year since were 10. He got married his longtime girlfriend who have met handful times.
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Bridezilla Demands Gifts Above $250 From Wedding Guests

This bridezilla came out strong with her request for gifts over $250 from anyone who wanted to attend the wedding. Sounds like the wedding was serving as a convenient way to ask people to empty their pockets; but only if their pockets had over $250 in them. 

Bride demands that wedding guests bring gifts worth over $250 to the wedding | hey weren't informed by Mike s mine and Christian's wedding next month! If buying us gifts requirement is buy us gifts above $250 either or christian
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She definitely surprised this guy who was busy just trying to get through his shift. It looks like this might be an ad for Barclay's, but we're thinking the beauty of the fail is that they assumed people would recognize her voice. Yeah, no. 

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Rare Insults That Bruised People's Egos

Rare insults will always manage to melt our icy hearts. They're often creative and brutal, and likely leave whoever is on the receiving end of them, speechless. The online world will always have people ready to spew the next insult, so why not spice it up a bit by thinking outside the box. These folks definitely pulled it off. 

A collection of rare insults that were creative and brutal | told kids they're not allowed call each other "stupid" anymore. So Eddie just told Max he looks like walking talking booger without dental plan mean, at least 's making them more creative guess.
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Antiques Roadshow Memes That Are Logically Sound

Antiques roadshow memes hold a special place in our hearts. The captions from @KeatonPatti are a pleasant mix of dark humor and wit. You might just surprise yourself by wanting one of these bizarre items. 

A collection of antiques roadshow memes that are timelessly entertaining | Oy, Mista Dad? Doll $40-$70 FAR OKeatonPatti creepy china doll buckteeth wearing a knitted head cover tied under its chin
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Stupid Things People Believed as Kids

It's no myth that children are bizarre and stupid. They believe every lie, have a horrible sense of logic, and a lot of them can't read. So it makes sense that many of us remember the incredibly dumb things we believed as children. Some of them even make some sense before you remember how stupid you were.

Funny and stupid things people believed when they were children | Diesell23 some reason thought every car made had do crash test. Probably because my dad once told our car had very good rating crash test amazed by fact all cars were repaired so well before being sold.
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