lol

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While the rest of us are stuck grinding our gears and battering our transmissions like fried chicken, this guy is shifting with the touch of an angel. It's like he hardly even makes physical contact as his magic fingers delicately guide the gearshift. The way he uses just the tips, it's less like he's driving a bus and more like he's handling a Kleenex. Or a bag of dog poop.

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Inarguable Signs that Kids are Stupid and Weird

There's no question that kids are stupid and weird. We remember being afraid of getting flushed down the toilet as much as anyone else. All we can say is it's a shame that the natural state of a human being is to be so harmfully stupid. How did any of us make it this far? Growing up, was anyone else astounded that car blinkers somehow predicted exactly which way a car would turn every time? Seriously, there are too many clear signs that kids are weird and dumb.

strange and stupid things kids did
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Guy Rudely Orders For Table, Gets Mocked By Server

Having dinner with the parents can go a lot of ways, but it narrows your odds of success when you interrupt mom and insist on being the server's only point of contact. Lo and behold, the server complied. Out of some misaligned sense of responsibility or self importance, this guy made himself a target right out of the gate. At least it's better than having to defeat a Karen. And at least nothing happened to the food.

a family goes out to dinner and the girl's date tries to order for the table, only to be mocked by the server
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Blunderous Failures of The English Language

Whether English is your first language or not, people still have an extremely hard time navigating the finer points of spelling and wordology. These blunderous foibles of the English language drive home the fact that a one-letter mistake can mean a whole lot of difference, and even spelling something phonetically can lead to catastrophically regrettable spelling fails

funny spelling failures and mistakes in English
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Tumblr Thread: Neighbor Steve and The Abominations

Tumblr answers those questions we often ask ourselves waking up in a cold sweat at 4 am, having just escaped another fever nightmare. What would it be like to live next-door to a well-meaning abomination? The tale of Neighbor Steve provides some insight. Tumblr users also kindly elaborate on nightmares such as being a purveyor of fine clown meats as well as a roundup of the earth's real-world abominations. You know, just regular stuff.

Tumblr story of neighbor steve and his life being neighbors in suburbia with an eldritch abomination
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Creepy Signs That Aren't Fooling Around

We live in a world full of unconventional hazards. Random explosions, sinkholes, radiation, chlorine gas leaks, gorilla escapes, sewage tidal waves and mosquitos are all things that we feel need some kind of creepy warning signs for. Oh, also aerated water, poisonous plants, electricity, slippery rocks, angry hippos, quicksand and heavy machinery need some spooky warning signs as well. Also cliffs.

creepy warning signs
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Boss Orders Endless Task, Ends Up Stuck With It

Sometimes managers don't fully think through the things they ask their employees to do, resulting in modern-day Sisyphean labors. And anyone who has had a "make-work" kind of boss can attest to the diminishing returns of their demands. Anyone ever spend a day pulling staples out of rotten wood that all ended up going in the same garbage anyway? Fickle managers and customers can end up asking us to serve up contradictions, like this customer who asked for garlic-free garlic bread

boss orders endless sweeping of tree seeds, ends up sweeping himself
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Things from People's Childhoods They Later Realized Were Weird

Everybody's family is a little weird in some way, but as a kid, you don't know any better. This leads to most of us having an awkward moment later on with friends, a scene along the lines of "hold on, not everyone's family has one day of the month where their dad eats as many cans of tuna as possible and then comes over and breathes on everyone?" or "wait a second, my mom always told me the blue parking spaces up front were for people in the very busy mom club?" Life is full of discovery. At least it's a little better than people later realizing something was illegal.

things from people's childhoods that were later discovered to be weird
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Tumblr Thread: The Addams Family Meets Matilda

It's hard to think of two characters Tumblr would have more of an affinity for than Roald Dahl's Matilda and Wednesday Addams. Tumblr has made its love of the Addams' pretty clear in the past based on this tumblr thread about the Addams family renting out rooms to college students. It should be obvious by now that Tumblr will never leave its favorite things un-fan-fictioned, whether that's a good or bad thing.

Tumblr fan fiction thread of Wednesday Addams from the Addams Family meeting Roald Dahl's Matilda.
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Misfortune Monday: Chaos is Unavoidable

They say that life never gives you more than you can handle, but isn't that a bit of a logical fallacy? We're sort of built to withstand punishment, so just seeing how much we're willing to take is an exercise in futility. Like, of course people "handle" the merciless world around them if you count "handling" as just standing there and taking it. Sounds like some survivorship bias. Whatever chaos occurs, the world keeps on turnin'.

wtf moments of chaos, failure and mistakes
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Sparkling Tumblr Gems Uncovered From the Deep

Tumblr is home to a vast array of hopeful goofs, hopeless creatives and insightful doofs, all smooshing their ideas together until they coalesce into shiny tumblr gems. Will it be a list of observations about lawncare? Will it be a fan fiction of futurepunk Scooby Doo? Or will it just be a bunch of complaints about being in customer service? The future is totally open when it comes to ridiculous, random and stupendous tumblr gems.

funny tumblr gems, moments and memes
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RPG Creator Points Out The Geographical Absurdity of New Orleans

Co-Creator of Pathfinder @Jameslsutter has enough experience in fantasy cartography to know when a place is supposed to look believable or not. His diagnosis is that Louisiana has done a great job of convincing him that New Orleans exists when in fact it's laid out like a real not my job, "4:30 on a Friday" kind of map-making project. For fans of fantasy, here's a Tumblr thread on the theory surrounding Dwarves' super intelligent beards.

twitter thread on how New Orleans looks like a bad fantasy map
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Tumblr Thread: Being a Purveyor of Fine Clown Meats

In most cases, someone offering to tell you about a dream they had is the most boring and stupid waste of 5 minutes you can engage in. But when it's from the twisted mind of a tumblr user, and it's about operating an all-clown meat deli, it's really hard not to pay attention. It's got action, crime, drama, science and most importantly a whole lotta clown meat. Here are some more funny, random and shiny tumblr gems.

Funny tumblr thread about operating a clown meat deli
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Creepy Times People's Kids Mentioned "Past Lives"

Kids are weird and they lie a lot, but there's a really strange tendency for three and four-year-olds to mention "back when I flew helicopters in 'nam" or "my previous mother wasn't as nice as you." Is it a weird combination of dreams they had, the power of suggestion, and the fact that kids sometimes don't know what they're saying? Almost certainly. Is it also extremely creepy when a very small child insists that they were a crooked cop who was buried in an unmarked grave? Very much so, yeah. Here's a twitter thread of people's kids saying similarly creepy stuff.

creepy stories of times people's kids explained past lives
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Funny Tumblr Gems of The Sparkling Variety

If you find yourself either bored or boring it would behoove you to indulge in some funny tweets and tumblr gems to quote later. Those quirkmongers of the internet are out to make brilliantly stupid observations whether you like it or not. Even just a small pocketful of shiny tumblr gems is enough to turn today's snooze fest into a snooze vest, which is more fashionable, breezier and therefore more exciting.

funny tumblr gems, memes and random observations
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Outdated Advice That Just Doesn't Make Sense Anymore

It's not like anyone wants to give you bad advice. Well, maybe these hilariously bad and dumb life pro tips might be exactly that. This incredibly dumb financial advice also falls into the category of "straight up don't do this." That said, times change and some previously ubiquitous good ideas find themselves no longer belonging, whether it be due to evolving technology, changing social ideas, or the rapid decline and corruption of various institutions.

outdated advice that used to make sense but doesn't now
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