bikini

You'd never see something this unappealing in glorious Mother Russia.

Ugh, it's like seeing a sack of groceries in swim wear.

Looks like Pac Sun was having a sale...

Although now I'm really starting to wish that I had.

You're not gonna get any customers like that.

And clearly you both needed some more sunscreen. Let that molting skin be a reminder that we didn't come to the Pearl Jam concert to see this.

It's a gown, bikini, and t-shirt all in one piece of clothing!

Sniff it while I check you out through my shutter shades.

And to think, I just wanted a G.I. Joe party when I was that age, who knew "tranny" was in the mix!

We never asked for it to end this way. Alas...

A list of our grievances with your Etsy listing:

1. It's obvious you love your body, and that's great, especially after it's been through at least one pregnancy and labor. But you're on a site for selling handmade craft products, not your body, so please consider that before you point the camera directly at the cavernous maw between your widely spread legs.

2. You're modelling the same string bikini you're selling? Anyone who even considers buying it will have to take into account that it's already been used as your own personal butthole floss.

3. Of all the parts of your body, those areas are the WORST to get wool-induced itchiness and rashes.

4. NINETY-FIVE DOLLARS??!!?!??!????? (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻)

I'm wishing they really were extinct now.