bikini

You'd never see something this unappealing in glorious Mother Russia.

A list of our grievances with your Etsy listing:

1. It's obvious you love your body, and that's great, especially after it's been through at least one pregnancy and labor. But you're on a site for selling handmade craft products, not your body, so please consider that before you point the camera directly at the cavernous maw between your widely spread legs.

2. You're modelling the same string bikini you're selling? Anyone who even considers buying it will have to take into account that it's already been used as your own personal butthole floss.

3. Of all the parts of your body, those areas are the WORST to get wool-induced itchiness and rashes.

4. NINETY-FIVE DOLLARS??!!?!??!????? (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻)

The weather of course, being "Bodybuilding in Moscow".

The Borat mankini is one thing, but that frog hat? Totally unacceptable formal wear.

I think it may have stretched a bit.

But if there's one thing this man and I have in common, it's our love of pterodactyls.

I'm wishing they really were extinct now.

We never asked for it to end this way. Alas...

I mean, you couldn't go to the beach looking like a total embarrassment, could you?

Looks like Pac Sun was having a sale...

Those stretch marks are very flattering.

I'll give you a hint, neither of them is her tan.