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People That Followed Instructions Literally, And Failed

A recent Twitter thread inspired people to share those times of failure when they followed instructions literally, and then failures resulted. Communication can be a tricky thing. Just cause you're asking someone to do something in a way that makes sense to you, doesn't mean that the recipient of the instructions won't interpret your intention completely differently. And from there, we have a wonderful collection of fails. 

People that followed instructions literally, and ended up failing as a result | lan Reynolds @pumps1000 Replying AzureDoo and @WineMan147 kid my mother popped out while cooking. She boiling some potatoes. She said "Watch potatoes" as she left watched them. They burnt.
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Conspiracy Thread Says The World Ended In 2012

Buckle up and brace the self for a wild ride down a rabbit hole that ultimately suggests the world ended in 2012. The dude makes some strange "connections" and at one point even brings up some kind of "time traveling experiment" that turned up strange results, with people not being able to time travel past 2012. 

Twitter thread and strange conspiracy theory suggests that the end of the world was in 2012 | tweet by nick hinton so did the world actually end in 2012? well it was the year scientists at cern finally found the higgs boson you know the particple stephen hawking predicted could destroy the universe or in his own words cause the universe to undergo a catastrophic vacuum decay
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Twitter Thread: Patrick Stewart And Ian McKellen In A Murder Mystery

This fun Twitter thread imagines a world where viewers get to enjoy Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen in a murder mystery show. It's a brilliant concept that would be so much fun if it were actually created. Maybe one day. 

Patrick Stewart Ian McKellen Murder Mystery | ML Brennan @BrennanML think l'd really like right now is cozy British village murder mystery show where Patrick Stewart and lan McKellen are elderly widower neighbors who bicker lot about their gardens, and also solve crimes. And there's super hot grandson who has drive them around | So lan will be all need prune this hedge back think looks fine, but keeps putting shoots up over on my side And Patrick gasps and is all COURSE explains knife got into
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Entitled Woman Begs For Cash App Handouts

This woman was taking to social media to issue a stream of entitled pleas, asking people to send her money on the Cash App. Eventually, another person had enough, and decided to call her out on all the nonsense. Sometimes, entitled individuals just need someone else to offer up the reality check moment. Maybe this reality check took effect. 

An entitled woman begs for Cash App handouts on social media | February 25 at 1:51 PM Please don't message if aren't willing pay my time and take dinner, send money, take shopping, get my nails done, and so XOXOXO on! Thank and 30 others 8 Comments Li ke Comment
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Via Crufts
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We're all looking for pleasant distractions, and this guy absolutely flying around a course in the most care free way possible is what we needed to see today. Look at him, all glad to be there.

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Company Cancels Recruit's Project, Recruit Drives Rental Car 800 Miles Home

This company pulled a shady fast one on a recruit who they flew out for an exciting position. As it turns out, they canceled the project, and left the recruit out in the cold, needing to pay for hotel and airfare. So, the recruit decided to make a move of their own, and proceeded to drive the rental car they'd been provided by the company, 800 miles home. Now that is a beautiful thing. 

Company flies a recruit out, cancels the project, so the recruit drives a rental car 800 miles home | Company recruits senior position, brings their HQ, project gets canceled while interviewing and supposed pay trip don't think so reading post another subreddit regarding things caused walk out an interview and reminded this experience had 20+ years ago. Hope fits here TL;DR: Company flies their home office interview killer position, job disappears during interview, they won't pay hotel or return
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Entitled Girl With Allergies Gets Reality Checked

This girl asked folks on Reddit whether or not she was in the wrong regarding telling a roommate's friend to leave. The context of the situation involved the roommate's friend telling the girl what she could and couldn't do in her own house, because of her allergy. She chose to take that path instead of just removing herself from the situation. Assuming the allergies were indeed life-threatening, getting out of the room probably would've been the best call. 

An entitled girl with allergies gets reality checked after telling person how to live in their home | AITA telling my roommates friend if their allergy is so severe can't make sandwich another room they should just leave? Not hole So, my roommate invited over one their friends today. He didn't mention anything or my other roommate about and so walked out my room and saw this random girl just kind like uhm, who are Because my roommate not room.
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Kid Refuses To Do Chores, Dad And Mechanic Buddy Strip His Car

Sounds like this kid was quite the handful. At a certain point, dad said enough is enough, and decided to literally strip the kid's car down to the frame, with the help of his mechanic buddy. Honestly, dad deserves some kind of medal for that stunt. 

Kid refuses to do chores, so his dad and mechanic buddy proceed to strip his car | Don't wanna do chores son? Well have fun being stuck at home. Paragraph TL;DR at bottom hope this is appropriate here. So this story deserves some context s actually Pro Revenge my father did Backstory: After had graduated High School and still hadn't "found" my calling my parents told could live with them rent free as long as did one very important thing, helped out with chores, don't bring any girls or friends
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Tumblr Thread: Radioactive Lava-Like Material Has Medusa Powers

This is one of those quick and informative Tumblr threads that is just brimming with absurdity. Apparently the world hatched this thing, which was labelled the "Elephant's Foot", and that ended up possessing literal "Medusa" powers. Specifically, that you couldn't stare at it directly without meeting your demise. Wild. And to make matters even more wild (somehow), a mold came along and started chowing down on the lava-like material. 

Tumblr thread describes a monster mold that has the powers of Medusa | unexplained-events photo above is closest humanity has ever come creating Medusa. If were look at this would die instantly | image is reactor core lava formation basement Chernobyl nuclear plant s called Elephant's Foot and weighs hundreds tons, but is only couple meters across. Oh, and regarding Medusa thing, this picture taken through mirror around corner hallway. Because wheeled camera they sent up take pictures destroyed
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Twitter Thread: Woman's Humiliating German Sauna Experience

A big thanks to Anbara Salam for the comedic relief during these troubling times. She provides an account of what was the most embarrassing moment of her life. It sounds like the original plan to enjoy a nice therapeutic sauna ended up giving way to being locked out in the cold, utterly naked. 

Woman gets locked out on fire escape after using sauna, and embarrassment ensues | Anbara Salam @anbara_salam As public service these stressful times l'd like offer, as palate cleanser most embarrassing moment my life. 10ish years ago, my ex bf and visited spa Germany s swimsuits pool but have be naked sauna. Btw speak no German. 1/ 9:52 16 Mar 20 Twitter Web App 2,031 Retweets 6,678 Likes Tweet reply
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People's "Screw This, I Quit!" Stories

Sometimes folks hit their capacity for how much absurdity they'll put up with while on the job, and decide to quit thereafter. These people found their limits, and their exits were certainly carried out in memorable fashion. 

AskReddit replies to people's "screw this, I quit!" stories | askingxalice 2h First job at mcdonalds. 3 different managers all telling do different things, and getting mad listen others overheard worst manager say people at register (and many customers behind counter Someone need teach Alice do her job didn't even say anything. Just walked out.
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An Author's Imaginative Thread On Doritos' Supernatural Origins

Author, Chuck Wendig's, wild and imaginative Twitter thread about the spooky origins of Doritos, and how they "bake souls" into their chips is clearly a silly reference to the recent Twitter thread about the electric origins of Triscuits. That being said, this is just the kind of absurd rabbit hole that is clearly a ton of nonsense, that we enjoy.

Twitter thread from a guy who investigates the origins of Doritos | Chris Sacca liked Chuck Wendig O @ChuckWendig Buckle up, butterdicks s time talk about Doritos. Doritos CHEESE FLAVOR Party Size! | like and any other human, has definitely enjoyed ZESTY NACHO TANG Doritos corn chips time time, as well as their alternate flavors like Cool Ranch, Sweet Chili, Spicy Meatball, Hot Tire, and Fresh-Cut Grass. But then thought, where did name come 10 27 15 682 @ChuckWendig 5h Chuck Wendig O asked my
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Lazy Dude Thinks He's Ant Overlord, Ants Humble Him

This is easily one of the most bizarre TIFU's we've read. Sounds like lazy dude was prone toward making messes around his room, and wanted to continue his lazy lifestyle so badly that he left his cleaning duties up to the ants. Well, those ants had to find a place to crash. And oh boy, they did: within his keyboard. 

Lazy guy thinks that he's an ant overlord, and ends up learning they live in his keyboard | TIFU by thinking an ant overlord. So very lazy comes cleaning my room and about 2 weeks ago notice bunch ants have started make home somewhere walls. They were very small ants, and apart being bitten once while (not painful didn't mind them at all fact every time dropped crumbs and other food stuff couldn't be bothered clean up noticed given bit time, my ants would clean up SWEET!
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The Worst Compliments People Have Received

Someone on AskReddit asked for people to describe the worst compliments they've ever received. It turns out people can come up with some absolutely awful compliments. These are all wonderful examples of word vomit, in action. 

People describe the worst compliments they've received | _WhoTheFuckAml_ 23h One my seniors once told reminded him his younger self problem is he is like worst guy my office hurt .
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Woman Wonders if She's a Jerk For Booking Entire Row For Broken Leg

Flying can be a stressful experience already, and problem flyers can cause some drama. This woman asked the internet if she was wrong to stick to her guns and maintain her dominion over the seats she paid for. If she wasn't injured and hadn't paid for the seats things might be different, but as it stands it seems pretty clear.

Woman books full row of seats for broken leg and asks internet if she's wrong | r/AmItheAsshole Posted by u/super_poggielicious 1 day ago AITA booking up an entire row seats just myself? Not hole reference this, all happened before lockdown and orders shelter place 32f) broke my leg two places couple months ago and placed full leg cast took convalescent leave and decided fly my home state originally CA but stationed NC this is relevant so everyone understands time frame flight question.
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Choosing Beggar Wants To Hijack Couple's Ride To Wedding

The level of entitlement at play here is truly off the charts. Seriously, it sounds like this choosing beggar expected the couple to not use the ride that they had sorted months in advance. Ridiculous. 

A choosing beggar wants to hijack a ride that a couple had set up to the wedding, months in advance | Hi guys, just about (Bride's) wedding middle trying arrange my travel wedding have spoken Lift Giver) and she has said might be too squashed with everyone car want avoid making(Lift Giver) feel awkward by letting anyone down so wondered One would feel, since both drive, about driving one cars down so everyone is able go can't afford whole family attend hence why am just going x
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