Find your bright pink vibrator BEFORE your friends come over, or they will... prominently displayed on your bedside table. #LFMF
Do not use magnetic laser levels on concrete walls because it does not stick. #LFMF
I read 50 Shades of Grey. #LFMF
When you go to walk through a door, remember to actually open it first. #LFMF
When bringing a raft down to the beach, never attempt to hold on to it while riding in the back of a truck. If you do make sure to hold on tight or end up like me with a very big bump on the head and a stage 2 concussion. #LFMF
If you accidentally get into the wrong car at your bus stop, quickly apologize and get out. Don't freeze up. You'll have a lot of explaining to do to the driver and the person who was supposed to pick you up. #LFMF
Don't shave in the middle of a sneezing fit. Just don't. #LFMF
When your cat is making funny noises in the night and the next morning you throw your clothes on and run out the door. That funny feeling in the back of your knee is not a pair of underwear that went astray...it's a mouse that the cat played with all night and when it escaped it crawled in there to die! Worse it's been there for at least an hour before you noticed it... to school, to the store.... #LFMF
When your coworker hands you a funny little fruit and tells you it's good, research the country she hails from first. She might be handing you what's called a "durian" fruit, and you might just spend the next 2 hours trying desperately to not throw up. Moldy sweat socks with a side of musty swiss cheese all combined with a sweet, rotten onion flavor. #LFMF (2 years and I still haven't forgiven her!)
When working in a woodshop and sanding things, always keep tabs on where your fingers are. The day you don't wear obnoxious nail polish is the day you sand away most of your thumbnail. And you won't notice for a good 5 minutes. #LFML
You have band practice in nine hours and you've been up until the wee hours of the morning. Failblog will still be there after practice lets out. #LFMF
Don't put your finger with a torn off cuticle down in a closed container filled with wet dishwashing salt! #LFMF
If you weaned yourself off of caffine 3 years ago, and have had none since, ignore the craving you may get when you have a cold and are feeling run-down. If you can't resist, DON'T drink a whole 2 litres of Coke. You will not feel better - you will feel like your head is no longer attached to your body. My eyes are vibrating! #LFMF
If your parents are nice enough to offer to pick up that game you reserved in GameStop, for fuck's sake give them the right address. You might end up sending them to the wrong GameStop and not only that, by the time you tell them that it's the wrong store, it's past 7 pm (GameStop closing time). When they return, they will be pissed off. You will feel ashamed and guilty. And you will not be getting that game for another week. #LFMF
When you're checking out mummy rabbit and her brand new litter of six adorable baby bunnies, be careful how you replace the heavy wooden nesting box. Now you have five adorable baby bunnies, and a whole mess of crying children.
Good idea: Vodka. Bad idea: Leaving vodka on the stove. Really Bad Idea: Forgetting said vodka is on the stove and turning the burner on. The bottle will explode, your boyfriend could end up with glass shards in his back and you will be out an apartment. #LFM(neighbors')F
