If you decide to put away the washed dishes while waiting for the toaster, pay attention. You may just jam the metal ladle you're holding not into the utensils pot behind the toaster but into the toaster itself. It will spark, you will get a huge electric shock and your toaster will blow up. To top it off, your toast will not be done and, as the toaster no longer works, you are now hungry AND halfway to electrocuted. #LFMF
When reading LFMF and slightly confused by one out the details, don't click the comments button. You won't get any additional info, but you will find yourself in there middle of a poorly-spelled flame war. #LFMF
When texting your stepdad, remember... the "i" and the "u" are VERY, VERY close together. Saying you wonder what duck tastes like could go terribly, terribly wrong. #LFMF
Never visit the creepypasta sub-memes on KYM, especially if you have a tendency to be scared by the smallest things
If you send a sexy text message to your guy friend at 4:30 in the morning, make sure you send it to your GUY FRIEND and NOT to your female cousin. It will be both hilarious and embarrassing. Hilarious mostly for your cousin. #LFMF
When using buckets of water to polish cutlery, remember that water splashes. Also remember that sometimes, forks contain leftover bits of food. Even more important to remember, keep your mouth closed. #LFMF
Good idea: Making your own pickles; fun, and they taste better than store-bought. Not-so-good idea: Using powdered spices because you are out of the whole ones. The powdered cloves and cinnamon will turn everything brown. The pickles will still taste just as good, but they will look like pieces of poo. LFMF
Your friend's birthday falls on a Wednesday this year. Before baking a surprise dessert for his party, make sure the party is THIS weekend and not NEXT weekend. You can spend those six hours much more productively.
If your sister won't let you watch "Avatar: The Last Airbender" reruns on the biggest TV in the house, don't call her a hater. Your mother will be behind you, coming down the stairs. You will need to explain. #LFMF
If you are easily scared, do not look up Slender Man stuff. There will be weird noises coming from outside at night, you will freak out, and it will be nothing more than some construction going on nearby.
Don't watch the Olympics while suffering from PMS. A gymnast sticking a landing will send you into a sobbing mess, and you will not be able to explain this to the family. #LFMF
When attaching the wires to the back of the dryer for power, make sure a live wire isn't connected to the ground of the dryer. Better yet, use a multimeter to make sure you connected it right. Otherwise you won't be as lucky as I was, and leave it connected wrong, and when you touch the dryer, you'll feel what it is like to touch outlet current. #LFMF
Even though your friend thinks electrical currents feel good, don't try so yourself. It won't for you. #LFMyFriend'sF
Trust the Vietnamese when they say it's extremely spicy. Everyone will be laughing at you when you start screaming. And begging. Your tongue will be numb for a week. #LFMF
Never buy a birthday present for your spouse on the same computer he uses to read LFMF and failblog. The ads on the side of the screen will show him what you googled and bought for him.
Since you read LFMF, you have learned not to answer the work phone less than fifteen minutes before you leave work. Normally, this is a very good idea. Unless of course you are a new person on the job, and you have already gotten off on the wrong foot with the boss. He WILL notice the pattern after a few weeks and you WILL be fired. #LFMF
