Having to use Startup Repair once is bad enough, but if you have to do it again a few days later, you need a new computer. #LFMF

Always check all jeans pockets for cash, especially when you thought earlier when you put that cash in that pocket that you mustn't forget it before a wash. Make sure that this month you aren't broke either.

Good idea: Going to the vote page after submitting a fail to see it. Bad idea: Not getting the catch that, whenever you post a fail, that fail and all the ones submitted three days afterward will rarely appear.

Okay, so you just found out that your new boss watches a show that you like. Don't assume that he has watched as much as you have. Giving away spoilers is one of the quickest ways to get on somebody's bad side. #LFMF

When having a s**t, make sure you sit forward or you will lean back and the back of the toilet WILL be covered in brown stuff. #LFMF

Never shave your balls when you're in a pissy mood. Just don't. #LFMF

Even if you think that the cactus behind your table at the Texas Roadhouse is fake, it is still not a good idea to poke it. Cacti naturally look like plastic and cactus needles will naturally stick to your hand when touched. #LFMyFriend'sDad'sF

When at a sleepover party, know that your scary tolerance is much higher than most other people's. Do NOT suggest the movie Devil, unless you like sleeping with the lights on. #LFMF

Make plans for the summer, or your folks will make them for you. Said plans will include many difficult, tedious chores. #LFMF

When the instructions to your project say, "We recommend that you wear gloves when handling the metal straps," WEAR GLOVES, or deal with a pain 10x worse than a paper cut, on several fingers. To add insult to injury, you still have to finish the dang project. #LFMF

When your daughter shares your nook account because you don't trust her with a credit card and unlimited books, remember that she can see all of the books that you buy, ALL of them, in her library, too, before you buy the Fifty Shades Trilogy and several Nora Roberts novels. She knows more than you think she does. #LFMyMom'sF

When signing your daughter into your work computer because she doesn't know the password, it doesn't matter how hard you actually press "Login." Your laptop is not an iPad, it won't work unless you use the mouse. Firmly pressing on the screen with your thumb WILL result in tiny cracks in the middle of the screen and both your daughters who witnessed this WILL tell anyone and everyone who'll listen. #LFMMother'sF

Good idea: Keeping baby wipes handy in the bathroom. Also a good idea: Keeping disinfecting cleaning wipes handy in the bathroom. Potentially disasterious idea: Not making absolutely certain you've grabbed the right one when you go to wipe your butt. #LFMF

Good idea: Learn to make Hummus. Not as good idea: Eat nothing but hummus and bread for 2 meals. Very bad idea: Do so when your digestive system is having issues already. painful hour long atomic garlic fart sessions at 3am are no fun. #LFMF

Remember those Hostess snowballs you bought and then promptly hid because you went on a diet? Well, finding them 2 months later and thinking "These never go bad, right?" will leave your office mate in hysterics after you become violently ill. #lfmf