Criminally Dumb Criminal

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The Akron, Ohio Police Department is in a desperate search to find this car-ty pooper. Apparently he's left his gifts inside or on top of 19 different vehicles, occasionally even opening unlocked vehicles in order to do so.

Truly, we live in benighted times.

Criminally Dumb Criminal news Probably bad News irony name - 8408627456
Via STL Today
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Via STL Today:

Bud A. Weisser, 18, faces a felony burglary charge for breaking into a gas station-convenience store in Lemay on Aug. 21, police said.

Court documents say a St. Louis County police officer on patrol saw a man climbing out of a shattered window at the store in the 900 block of Lemay Ferry Road at about 4:30 a.m.
ouch Criminally Dumb Criminal news lady bits drugs - 8252175104
Via Jezebel
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From Jezebel:

"I have drugs inside my v@gina," Crosby uttered spontaneously and then, when she was asked to remove them, she said "ouch." Again, that sounds really painful. The officer asked if she was okay and Crosby said "the foil is hurting the inside of my v@gina" before producing a foil-wrapped rock of crack c0caine which she had just been paid $100 for.
funny-news-fail-krav-maga-robbery
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That's David Menzies right there. Mezies had a plan so simple it was stupid: Test drive a new Jeep, smash and grab some goods from a bike store, then drive off with his new vehicle.

What he didn't think too much about was that the store he wanted to rob was right next to the Hammerfist Krav Maga school. That's where co-owner Jason Carrio comes in. 

Carrio attempted to call the police, but when it was clear that Menzies was about to make away with the bikes and goods, he ripped him out of his vehicle and subdued him until authorities arrived. A pretty ballsy move!

Almost as ballsy as trying to conduct a robbery next to a bunch of trained martial artists.

funny-news-fail-theft-shirt
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They were captured on camera on their way out, but no arrests have been made. You have to admire the moxie, the raw daring of wearing a shirt like this during a theft.

Bonus points: Of course this happened in Florida.

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Luckily it appears no one was hurt, and something tells me some guys getting caught on news cameras aren't going to be running around for much longer...

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Via Arbroath
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From Arbroath:

An 82-year-old woman was arrested after she was caught trying to steal a bottle of “Sexiest Fantasies” body spray from a CVS pharmacy near her Georgia home, police report.

Anneliese Young, the accused octogenarian, was caught when a store worker spotted her placing the item inside her purse. Young then walked out of the Augusta business without paying for the $7.39 body spray, according to a police report. Young was confronted by a pharmacy employee outide the store on January 27.