Criminally Dumb Criminal

If there has ever been a reasonable case for a plea of insanity, maybe it's this one.

Andrew Gilbertson is charged with robbing a Bank of America in October 2013 - which is perhaps the first bullet point in an insane person. I mean come on, there are SO many easier illegal ways to get money in 2015. While taking the stand this Wednesday, he reached into his pants to grab his own personal brand for a snack, as instructed to him by the Virgin Mary herself.

Unsurprisingly, the court was called into a recess, where a mental health expert was called in to analyze Gilbertson's behavior.

Here's a video report of the full story, which thankfully does not feature any actual footage of the "One Disturbed Man, One Cup" incident:

Hat tip to Uproxx.

From Jezebel:

"I have drugs inside my v@gina," Crosby uttered spontaneously and then, when she was asked to remove them, she said "ouch." Again, that sounds really painful. The officer asked if she was okay and Crosby said "the foil is hurting the inside of my v@gina" before producing a foil-wrapped rock of crack c0caine which she had just been paid $100 for.

From NBC San Diego:

A drone carrying methamphetamine crashed in Mexico near the San Ysidro Port of Entry on Tuesday night.

The unmanned aircraft hauling more than 6 pounds of crystal meth in six packages fell from the sky into the parking lot of a supermarket in Tijuana just before 10 p.m., according to Vicente Calderon, a Tijuana-based freelance journalist for NBC 7. 

From the Smoking Gun:

When questioned by police, Thompson said that he purchased the "Master Kush" Spice "from a black male for $15" at a downtown park, according to a police report. Thompson reportedly told cops that he did not know Spice was illegal in Florida, claiming that it was "still legal in New Hampshire," his home state.

Thompson, who said that he moved to Florida three weeks prior to his September 10 arrest, was charged with felony drug possession and trespassing, a misdemeanor. He is being held in the Pinellas County jail in lieu of $1500 bond.

From Arbroath:

An 82-year-old woman was arrested after she was caught trying to steal a bottle of “Sexiest Fantasies” body spray from a CVS pharmacy near her Georgia home, police report.

Anneliese Young, the accused octogenarian, was caught when a store worker spotted her placing the item inside her purse. Young then walked out of the Augusta business without paying for the $7.39 body spray, according to a police report. Young was confronted by a pharmacy employee outide the store on January 27.

Can you spot the man in the photo above?

Inept car thief Jose Espinoza was running from the cops in Madera, California last weekend, when he came up with what he believed was a genius escape plan.

He spray painted himself black as a disguise. Needless to say, it didn't work, especially considering he was standing next to a white wall, as Corp. Josiah Arnold told CNN.

The Madera Police Department later posted his mugshot to Facebook, with this amazing caption: "The camouflage was ineffective."

Your move Florida Man.

Paul Knight from the UK here ripped away a woman's bag (perhaps searching for the cheeky Nando's inside) while she was walking home with her husband. After he had left the scene he realized he dropped his phone along the way. And what better way to get back your lost goods than ask the police for help?

That did not end well.

The money quote, however, comes from the case's judge Edward Bindloss:

You dropped your mobile phone and in a rather unsophisticated act you telephoned the police and inquired if someone had handed it in. That is how you came to be arrested.

Is this Marvel's newest superhero?

A man in China was arrested this past weekend for trying to smuggle in 94 iPhones from Hong Kong where they are cheaper to purchase.

Customs officials were suspicious of the way he was walking, so they had him go through the metal detectors.

That's when they discovered $49,000 worth of Apple products (both iPhone 6 and iPhone 5S models) taped to his midsection in this makeshift suit of armor.

Crotch Siri is now scarred for life.

The Akron, Ohio Police Department is in a desperate search to find this car-ty pooper. Apparently he's left his gifts inside or on top of 19 different vehicles, occasionally even opening unlocked vehicles in order to do so.

Truly, we live in benighted times.