Criminally Dumb Criminal

funny-news-fail-car-pooper-akron-ohio
  • -
  • Vote
  • -

The Akron, Ohio Police Department is in a desperate search to find this car-ty pooper. Apparently he's left his gifts inside or on top of 19 different vehicles, occasionally even opening unlocked vehicles in order to do so.

Truly, we live in benighted times.

news-fail-witness-eat-poop-testimony
Via KSBY
  • -
  • Vote
  • -

If there has ever been a reasonable case for a plea of insanity, maybe it's this one.

Andrew Gilbertson is charged with robbing a Bank of America in October 2013 - which is perhaps the first bullet point in an insane person. I mean come on, there are SO many easier illegal ways to get money in 2015. While taking the stand this Wednesday, he reached into his pants to grab his own personal brand for a snack, as instructed to him by the Virgin Mary herself.

Unsurprisingly, the court was called into a recess, where a mental health expert was called in to analyze Gilbertson's behavior.

Here's a video report of the full story, which thankfully does not feature any actual footage of the "One Disturbed Man, One Cup" incident:



Hat tip to Uproxx.

funny-news-fail-perfume-old-lady
Via Arbroath
  • -
  • Vote
  • -

From Arbroath:

An 82-year-old woman was arrested after she was caught trying to steal a bottle of “Sexiest Fantasies” body spray from a CVS pharmacy near her Georgia home, police report.

Anneliese Young, the accused octogenarian, was caught when a store worker spotted her placing the item inside her purse. Young then walked out of the Augusta business without paying for the $7.39 body spray, according to a police report. Young was confronted by a pharmacy employee outide the store on January 27.
Criminally Dumb Criminal moon news - 8220727040
Via Arbroath
  • -
  • Vote
  • -

Via Arbroath:

Read initially refused to leave the residence, but eventually exited and resisted arrest before being taken into custody by force, according to police. The victims told police Read had commented about seeing Halley's Comet, and shortly after, began firing out a window. The victims heard several shots before fleeing the residence. Read later told officials he was not trying to harm anyone, but was shooting at the moon. He also admitted to smoking marijuana before the shooting. No victims were injured. Read was booked into Yavapai County Jail and faces seven charges including criminal damage, disorderly conduct and endangerment.