Criminally Dumb Criminal

From the Smoking Gun:

A trio of teenage burglars who stole cash, jewelry, electronics, and prescription drugs from a Missouri residence also thought they got away with a stash of c0caine they found in a wooden box, only to later discover that the powder was actually the cremated remains of the homeowner’s father, police report.

Upon determining that they were not, in fact, in possession of c0caine, the teens discarded the remains out the window of their getaway car. One of the burglars actually tasted the powder and realized it was not a controlled substance. 

Yep, after this shoplifter stole a dress she proceeded to show off the same merchandise in her Facebook photos, leading to her arrest. Smooth move! Check out the full story here:

Paul Knight from the UK here ripped away a woman's bag (perhaps searching for the cheeky Nando's inside) while she was walking home with her husband. After he had left the scene he realized he dropped his phone along the way. And what better way to get back your lost goods than ask the police for help?

That did not end well.

The money quote, however, comes from the case's judge Edward Bindloss:

You dropped your mobile phone and in a rather unsophisticated act you telephoned the police and inquired if someone had handed it in. That is how you came to be arrested.

The video in question!

Can you spot the man in the photo above?

Inept car thief Jose Espinoza was running from the cops in Madera, California last weekend, when he came up with what he believed was a genius escape plan.

He spray painted himself black as a disguise. Needless to say, it didn't work, especially considering he was standing next to a white wall, as Corp. Josiah Arnold told CNN.

The Madera Police Department later posted his mugshot to Facebook, with this amazing caption: "The camouflage was ineffective."

Your move Florida Man.

That's David Menzies right there. Mezies had a plan so simple it was stupid: Test drive a new Jeep, smash and grab some goods from a bike store, then drive off with his new vehicle.

What he didn't think too much about was that the store he wanted to rob was right next to the Hammerfist Krav Maga school. That's where co-owner Jason Carrio comes in. 

Carrio attempted to call the police, but when it was clear that Menzies was about to make away with the bikes and goods, he ripped him out of his vehicle and subdued him until authorities arrived. A pretty ballsy move!

Almost as ballsy as trying to conduct a robbery next to a bunch of trained martial artists.

Luckily no one was seriously injured in this incident!

They were captured on camera on their way out, but no arrests have been made. You have to admire the moxie, the raw daring of wearing a shirt like this during a theft.

Bonus points: Of course this happened in Florida.

If there has ever been a reasonable case for a plea of insanity, maybe it's this one.

Andrew Gilbertson is charged with robbing a Bank of America in October 2013 - which is perhaps the first bullet point in an insane person. I mean come on, there are SO many easier illegal ways to get money in 2015. While taking the stand this Wednesday, he reached into his pants to grab his own personal brand for a snack, as instructed to him by the Virgin Mary herself.

Unsurprisingly, the court was called into a recess, where a mental health expert was called in to analyze Gilbertson's behavior.

Here's a video report of the full story, which thankfully does not feature any actual footage of the "One Disturbed Man, One Cup" incident:

Hat tip to Uproxx.