Criminally Dumb Criminal

Health insurance isn't easy in the United States, but this is something else entirely. Via Fox 8 Live:

…when the officer asked Diondre why she provided the hospital staff with the wrong name and information, Diondre pointed at her shirt and told the officer, "They must have gotten the name from this shirt." The shirt that Diondre was wearing was a memorial shirt for her deceased sister, Delores. Diondre Jones was booked with one count of Medicaid fraud and also had an outstanding attachment for failure to appear in court from a previous arrest.

Is this Marvel's newest superhero?

A man in China was arrested this past weekend for trying to smuggle in 94 iPhones from Hong Kong where they are cheaper to purchase.

Customs officials were suspicious of the way he was walking, so they had him go through the metal detectors.

That's when they discovered $49,000 worth of Apple products (both iPhone 6 and iPhone 5S models) taped to his midsection in this makeshift suit of armor.

Crotch Siri is now scarred for life.

They were captured on camera on their way out, but no arrests have been made. You have to admire the moxie, the raw daring of wearing a shirt like this during a theft.

Bonus points: Of course this happened in Florida.

From NBC San Diego:

A drone carrying methamphetamine crashed in Mexico near the San Ysidro Port of Entry on Tuesday night.

The unmanned aircraft hauling more than 6 pounds of crystal meth in six packages fell from the sky into the parking lot of a supermarket in Tijuana just before 10 p.m., according to Vicente Calderon, a Tijuana-based freelance journalist for NBC 7. 

If there has ever been a reasonable case for a plea of insanity, maybe it's this one.

Andrew Gilbertson is charged with robbing a Bank of America in October 2013 - which is perhaps the first bullet point in an insane person. I mean come on, there are SO many easier illegal ways to get money in 2015. While taking the stand this Wednesday, he reached into his pants to grab his own personal brand for a snack, as instructed to him by the Virgin Mary herself.

Unsurprisingly, the court was called into a recess, where a mental health expert was called in to analyze Gilbertson's behavior.

Here's a video report of the full story, which thankfully does not feature any actual footage of the "One Disturbed Man, One Cup" incident:

Hat tip to Uproxx.

Via STL Today:

Bud A. Weisser, 18, faces a felony burglary charge for breaking into a gas station-convenience store in Lemay on Aug. 21, police said.

Court documents say a St. Louis County police officer on patrol saw a man climbing out of a shattered window at the store in the 900 block of Lemay Ferry Road at about 4:30 a.m.