All your tween issues can be solved with the help of the wise Judd Apatow.

Everything seemed pretty straightforward until I got to the last bullet point: "Traditional Ladies' education." What the hell does that mean? That she knows how to throw a cocktail party? Is there a Japanese-themed remake of My Fair Lady in the works?

NO. NO SHE WASN'T THIRSTY. YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T EXIST. MUCH LIKE YOUR LIFE.

but a Gay Ski Week sounded kinda fun.