texting

Surrrrre you meant hang.

Crayons before mans. It's like "bros before hoes" except more relevant in this context. Oh god, what an awful title. #modproblems

It's a slippery slope. One moment you're making your friend tell your girlfriend that you're looking forward to railing her tonight, the next you've got your pants off and there's a cop asking you some very personal questions.

"I'll even get Siri to help me!"

"But sweetie, your dad's nose isn't that long."

An alternate reality where everybody wears goatees, and nobody wears pants.

The last one is actually a whale who's thinking about his whale wife who's carrying a whale baby. It's so cute I sqwhaled.

Ugh, worst pun ever.