mom

Rather than clean his room, the child fled the safety of his suburban home and foraged for Twinkie crumbs and Velveeta wrappers in the neighbors' garbage.

It'll save him a rightfully earned lecture on how a grown man doesn't know how to boil corn.

No, it's clearly a Hershey's Kiss that wants to kiss you back.

Judging by the picture, whenever his mom calls he's seized with panic and is shown desperately trying to remember whether he forgot her birthday (again).

When his dad calls, he puts on his Serious Man-Face and gets ready to field Serious Questions about his future and whether he's started saving up for a house yet.

It's not the ugliest, but it's not something most mothers would want to see anyway.

From the submitter:

just don't look under the boxes behind the stairs...ever...

There are 64 different synonyms for "yes" in the English language, and all of them were invented in conversations with mothers.