mom

Judging by the picture, whenever his mom calls he's seized with panic and is shown desperately trying to remember whether he forgot her birthday (again).

When his dad calls, he puts on his Serious Man-Face and gets ready to field Serious Questions about his future and whether he's started saving up for a house yet.

What I'm saying is that you have a small penis.

So period sex feels amazing because it's embarrassing? What about the embarrassment of talking about period sex with your mom? Would that feel amazing, too?

Her son shows up in her contacts list as "Uterus Turd"

Siri's just trying to look out for you!

...and what shows up whenever my ex calls:

Sure is penis today.