mom

No, it's clearly a Hershey's Kiss that wants to kiss you back.

Takes one to be spawned by one.

From the submitter:

just don't look under the boxes behind the stairs...ever...

But really you'll just be alone with your "interests."

Whenever anyone says "it's me" via text, you can safely assume that he or she is over the age of 50 and has been texting for fewer than one year.

Drat, why does "Son" have to be so close to "Marriage Counselor" on my contacts list?

This is only a step away from your mom tying a picture of Chris Pine to her face whenever you sit down for a family dinner.