mom

From the submitter:

just don't look under the boxes behind the stairs...ever...

"But sweetie, your dad's nose isn't that long."

From the submitter:

This is what happens when I text my mom instead of my friend.

Hmmm, if only there were some way that your phone would let you talk to the person on the other end, instead of having to send text messages of 200 characters or less. Sure would be convenient.