While this looks cool, there's no way it would work without getting sauce all over your hands or constantly awkwardly readjusting it every 2 seconds.
~Not-So-Handy Cynical Andy
After all, you have to make sure your valuables are secure.
You couldn't leave well enough alone, could you? You had to attempt to combine the world's greatest game with a world's greatest food. You flew too close to the sun, my friend.
Except use a knife.