Ten Gallon Turban

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Ten Gallon Turban
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I'm sure it was originally meant to cover his hair but probably spiraled out of control from there.

Nice Try, Cinderella

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Nice Try, Cinderella
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By Unknown
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They must have shrunk in the wash.

Time to Loosen Up a Bit

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Time to Loosen Up a Bit
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By Unknown
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Or go a size up. If that thing pinches any more I won't be able to tell which side is your front or which side is your back.