Mom: (to my Dad) Honey, will you get me a glass of water?
Dad: (looks at me) Get her a glass of water.
(I give him a look.)
Dad: We feed and clothe you, slave. Get the water!
(*Me, texting my Dad*)
Me: So can I keep the cat inside the house?
Dad: I'll have to ask the Magic Conch.
(When I was younger, walking down the street and we passed a group of guys when one spits on the floor)
Grandmother: You gonna pick that up punk?
Grandmother: Yeah, I'm gonna stay here untill you clean it up!
Guy: How do you want me to do that?
Grandmother: LICK IT UP OR SOMETHING!
(Grandma keeps staring at him until the guy cleans it off of the street.)
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