The EPA Hits New Lows as Reports Surface of Employees Literally Leaving a Dump in the Hallway

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In an e-mail obtained by Government Executive, employees at the EPA were told to shape up after reported incident of feces being placed outside an office bathroom. Administrator Howard Cantor said "Management is taking this situation very seriously and will take whatever actions are necessary to identify and prosecute these individuals." Poop shenanigan-doers, beware!

This comes after numerous other EPA misconduct incidents, including one employee pretending to be a CIA agent to get unlimited vacation time and another fessing up to spending as many as 6 hours a day watching naughty internet bits. Hats off to the Environmental Protection Agency though, it takes guts to be this blatantly incompetent and wasteful.

Here's Huffington Post's piece on the poopy situation with some more detail:


No Longer Adorable FAIL

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Everything Went Off Without a Hitch for the Chicago Cubs at Wrigley Field, Except for All the Pee

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Things were rough at the opening game for the Chicago Cubs at Wrigley Field. The stadium began a massive renovation project, but due to inclimate weather this past winter progress has been minimal. Despite all this, the Cubs insisted their field was prepared for opening day.

Cut to this weekend, where only two of the men's rooms in the entire stadium were functional. Literally thousands of fans waited in line for as long as an hour to take a leak, leading many to pee in cups, or make liquid graffiti of their names on the wall like children. Food shortages meant that many fans were left with nothing but french fries to snack on as the game progressed. 

The Cubs ended up losing their game 3-0 against the St. Louis Cardinals

A California Bank Robbery Suspect Was "Told by the Virgin Mary" to Eat His Own Poop on the Witness Stand

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If there has ever been a reasonable case for a plea of insanity, maybe it's this one.

Andrew Gilbertson is charged with robbing a Bank of America in October 2013 - which is perhaps the first bullet point in an insane person. I mean come on, there are SO many easier illegal ways to get money in 2015. While taking the stand this Wednesday, he reached into his pants to grab his own personal brand for a snack, as instructed to him by the Virgin Mary herself.

Unsurprisingly, the court was called into a recess, where a mental health expert was called in to analyze Gilbertson's behavior.

Here's a video report of the full story, which thankfully does not feature any actual footage of the "One Disturbed Man, One Cup" incident:



Hat tip to Uproxx.

The Milwaukee Brewers Give Us "Nachos on a Stick." Everyone Else Can Go Home Now.

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The food monstrosity is packed with taco meat and crusted with Doritos, because that's the American way! Add some melted cheese on top (DON'T ASK WHERE THAT STUFF COMES FROM) and call it a day! And by "day" we mean "you are now legally dead from food coma."

There's a Serial Car Pooper in Akron, Anybody Have Any Leads?

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The Akron, Ohio Police Department is in a desperate search to find this car-ty pooper. Apparently he's left his gifts inside or on top of 19 different vehicles, occasionally even opening unlocked vehicles in order to do so.

Truly, we live in benighted times.