coffee

"Polly want a creamer! Polly want a creamer!"

Not pictured: Café a la Douche (five espresso shots, chocolate sauce, caramel, whipped cream, nonfat milk and cream).

I knew I was qualified for the job anyway when I took their listening comprehension test. The evaluators pretended to be customers and I had to take their orders:

"Can I get your name please?"

"John."

"J-H-O-Q-5-N. Perfect, you'll order will be up in a minute!"

Buddha would brew the pot exactly halfway, Zeus would drink the rest of the coffee and wait for someone else to fill it, and Shiva doesn't need any caffeine.

Intravenous? But I'll miss the flat, stale taste of coffee that's been sitting in the breakroom all weekend!