door

At the very least you're missing some quotation marks. ~Not-So-Handy Andy

Also an effective guard against escaping socks.

~NSHA

Still trying to wrap my head around this one, but I'm thinking the coat hanger/toiler paper roll thing is attached to the locking mechanism, meaning he has to first pull that before swinging the door open. Thoughts?

"Dry here to open?" So it's some kind of moisture-activated locking mechanism, where dehydration makes said mechanism weigh less and rise, thereby releasing the lock and opening the door?

Unless... oh wait, I see what it says now. Never mind, carry on.

~Not-"Not-So-Handy-Andy" Jack

There's no way this can go wrong, right?

Why don't I just impale myself with a two-by-four and make it easy for you?

Being on hold, as frustrating for doors as it is for humans.

~Not-So-Handy Andy

Need a coat rack but all you have is a buttload of knives? The puukko at its best.

That's right, Prius owners: if you were REALLY committed to conserving and helping the environment, you'd get rid of that costly and resource-consuming sheet metal and switch entirely to plastic wrap.

~Not-"Not-So-Handy-Andy" Jack