If anything comes unplug just start kicking it until something happens.

~NSHA

Losing lawsuits, on the other hand...

~NSHA

I got tired of my rear end hurting after a few minutes, and remembered that there was an ugly but comfortable chair out here.

No intelligence allowed.

~NSHA

When there's air conditioning but no fridge, you've got to improfreeze!

Hiring a man to hold a sign of a man holding a sign...

The line brought the fat, the worker brought the lazy!

This is what you should do if you don't want to stand around holding down the toaster's broken toast lever. I mean really! I've got places to be! Like the fridge and the cupboard...

Done and done.

"Dry here to open?" So it's some kind of moisture-activated locking mechanism, where dehydration makes said mechanism weigh less and rise, thereby releasing the lock and opening the door?

Unless... oh wait, I see what it says now. Never mind, carry on.

~Not-"Not-So-Handy-Andy" Jack