Self Poortraits, keeping us all entertained since social media made us even more vapid than before.
(Me: *Skyping cute boy*) Mom: *Barges into room* Who are you talking to? Me: Travis, mum. Mom: You better not be showing him your privates!
(Brother is leaving to go home, his dog dug holes in the yard.) Mom: You still have to fill my holes. Brother and Me: *laugh hysterically* Brother: That sounded wrong. Mom: Fill in my holes then fix my yard. Me: We don't live in Alabama, mom!
(I've been learning to drive for about six months, and I'm driving a different car than I normally do.) Me: How do you turn on the lights for this car? Mama: Why do you need the lights? Me: Uhm... Because I don't want to die?
(Asking mom what a Kegel ball was) Mom: Its something you put up your vagina to excersize the kegel muscles Me: MOM, GOD STOP! Bother: Oh, I could use one of those right now. Mom: Well you could put up your anus.
Mom: Where are you going? Me: Uh, ya know. just gonna knock over a 7-11, go to a strip club, beat up some hookers. Mom: Okay... If you get caught, you're staying the night in jail. it builds character.
(Talking to my 9-year-old brother) Me: Hey, do you know who is coming on Saturday night? Mom: Your Dad, if he's lucky.
My mother texts me: Hey... Dad wants a ticket to the game in green bay for Christmas... I believe it's a football game and I think it's the Packers against another team... Possibly the Yankees.
