oh god why

funny-news-fail-australia-spider-rain
Via SMH
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Millions of baby spiders appeared to rain down from the sky earlier this month in the Southern Tablelands in Australia. One resident described the effect it had on their home as such: "The whole place was covered in these little black spiderlings and when I looked up at the sun it was like this tunnel of webs going up for a couple of hundred metres into the sky."

Read that again and try not to let your mind implode from the Lovecraftian horror from it all.

The phenomenon is (terrifyingly) not that uncommon. Apparently the spiders "balloon" by throwing out sheets of webbing and use the winds to carry themselves around. When weather conditions are poor, none of the spiders go anywhere of course. But when the weather picks up again, they all leave in one terrifying hell-swarm.

Again, a salute to the brave (insane?) people who continue to call the continent of Australia their home.

funny-valentines-fails-teddy-bear-50-shades
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That image is completely 100% real. The Vermont Teddy Bear Company, long-time sellers of adorable bear products, is selling a Christian Grey teddy bear - apparently fully licensed. The parade of sadness continues on their official tumblr, which features forced memes of the bear making terrible sexual puns:



Why, you may ask? Because #brands, yo. Hashtag brands.

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And based on the beginning of the video you'd think it was his companion that was going to be the one freaking out. But no, this dude appears to go full demonic possession while slinging high into the air, complete with head scratching and rolling around. It still doesn't quite match DMX's epic freakout from last year, but close!

gross kfc oh god why food fail nation - 8436162560
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Because the Double Down burger (you know, the one with bacon and cheese sandwiched between two pieces of chicken) wasn't enough for us, KFC is now testing a similar concoction with a hot dog and chicken "bun." That substance on the top? Could be mustard, could be cheese, could be the liquefied excretion from a fallen dark god, who knows! Makes you hungry though, huh?

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WARNING: Adult, work-unsafe language in this video. Fun fact: This is the same rage you see when your left-leaning friends talk about the name "Washington Redskins." Fitting, as that's who the Cowboys lost to.