oh god why

funny-news-fail-florida-golf-alligator
Via WPTV
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This prehistoric beast was found tromping around a golf course in Florida, perfectly content with chilling out in the open. Anybody know where Chris Pratt is so he can wrangle this thing?

Here are some more images of the beast from the Myakka Pines Golf Course:



Oh hey, how did this get here...

news headline purple nurple oh god why Probably bad News - 6823825664
By Unknown
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Yeah, so it's been a bit of a rough news week, it would seem.

Via Nick Nerv
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WARNING: Language in this video. And sweet Metallica covers at the 1:30 mark. If you want to see what led us to this point, check it out here:

funny-news-fail-spider-banana
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Warning: This story might ruin your breakfast… forever.

A man in Wales recently picked up some bananas at a Tesco supermarket which turned out to be infested with spiders that can both kill you and give you a massive erection.

His wife opened the bag to find a cocoon of Brazilian Wandering Spiders (aka banana spiders) which are known to scurry around on the ground at night and hide in banana plants during the day.

They are considered the “world’s most venomous spider” by Guinness World Records, although there is an anti-venom available so not as many people die from their bites. Their bites have also been known to cause painful erections lasting several hours, and they are being studied as a potential Viagra alternative.

The cocoon started to hatch soon after she made the horrifying discovery.

“The spider cocoon started to unfurl so I put it in a sealed box and put it in the freezer as I read that that is supposed to kill them,” she said.

She then posted the photos to Tesco’s Facebook page for answers. The company told her to just mail in the wrapper so she could get a refund, but she was more concerned with not being attacked by the 8-legged killers than getting a few bucks back.

Tesco eventually asked her to bring the fruit back to the store so they could be investigated.

“We’ve apologized to Mrs. Layton and offered a gesture of goodwill,” a spokesperson said according to Yahoo.

A woman in England recently found a strange stowaway in her can of tuna fish, which turned out to be a tiny crab.

So now you can add bananas and tuna to the list of foods you are too terrified to ever eat again

accident claim TMI oh god why - 7021634048
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Unfortunately this page was removed from the main site, but the internet preserves all!

Via 209Stun34
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WARNING: Not surprisingly, some language in this video.

Luckily no one was hurt from this encounter, as the truck driver was able to leave his vehicle long before the train arrived. Fun fact: Those are Nutrigrain bars going all over the place.

gross kfc oh god why food fail nation - 8436162560
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Because the Double Down burger (you know, the one with bacon and cheese sandwiched between two pieces of chicken) wasn't enough for us, KFC is now testing a similar concoction with a hot dog and chicken "bun." That substance on the top? Could be mustard, could be cheese, could be the liquefied excretion from a fallen dark god, who knows! Makes you hungry though, huh?

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My Québécois is a little rusty, but I can imagine mom here is saying something to the effect of "Oooh, big man with a chainsaw, I bet you're not compensating for anything at all." The guy clearly wasn't looking to go all the way with the violence, but the kids in the car certainly got a scare out of it. And by scare I mean "lifelong fear of all chainsaws from this moment forward."