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50 of the Most Miserably Unfortunate Names Ever to Bestowed Upon People

Having grown up with a last name that is often mocked for having components of phallic innuendo, I can relate to these poor souls a little bit. Like I can't even imagine what kind of verbal abuse they went through growing up. 

I like to imagine each of them lead lives similar to the Boy Named Sue.

From Ben Dover to Richard Johnson, and every name in between, some parents just didn't have enough forethought when they were choosing baby names, or they really didn't care that their kid was going to get bullied constantly. But either way, its the parents' fault. But if you thought these were bad, you should see how some of these people named their cats.

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This little guy got tired of being in a dark room, so he turned on the lights and let himself out. How quaint!

Don't mind me, just getting into my panic room...

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Once a Nazi cow, always a Nazi cow.

A british farmer named Derek Gow (not a Nazi) recently killed and ate some of his Nazi-bred cattle after discovering they were too violent towards him and his staff to keep around the farm.

He originally imported 13 of the rare "Heck" cattle, which were genetically modified beasts created for the Nazi regime by German zoologists Heinz and Lutz Heck back in the 1930s.

Adolf Hitler wanted to bring the legendary Auroch back to life, an aggressive beast with large horns that went extinct back in the 1600s.

The Nazi scientists combined Spanish fighting bulls with Highland cattle and several other breeds to produce the monsters, which were then used as propaganda.

Most of them were destroyed after the war, but some survived. Gow received his herd from Belgium in 2009, marking the first time the creatures have appeared in England in 4000 years.

The meat from the Nazi cows that were slaughtered will be sold to stores in Europe, says Gow. He tried sausages made from the animals and described it as "very tasty."

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My Québécois is a little rusty, but I can imagine mom here is saying something to the effect of "Oooh, big man with a chainsaw, I bet you're not compensating for anything at all." The guy clearly wasn't looking to go all the way with the violence, but the kids in the car certainly got a scare out of it. And by scare I mean "lifelong fear of all chainsaws from this moment forward."