A guy who remains anonymous had his heart broken when he found out his wife had cheated on him with someone who "looks like Beppe from Eastenders."
Because memories of the lady who cheated on you with her personal trainer aren't easy to cope with on a daily basis, this dude posted some incredible ads on eBay to sell ex wife's convertible Smart car (piece of excrement), clothes and shoes.
Glorify God with your vagina! Christian marriage blog To Love, Honor, and Vacuum (ED - Oxford comma added) has tips on all facets of marriage and intimacy, all from a Good Christian Perspective. They address a number of questions one might have, but our favorites are:
Is it okay for Christians to use sex toys? Answer: Nope. "Most guys aren't that big. And they can't vibrate like that. Do you really want to get reliant on something your husband can never be for an orgasm?
What's a godly form of birth control? Answer: forget condoms, just watch the calendar, you'll be fine (Edit - no you won't).
What should I do if my husband wants to be adventurous in bed? Answer: it's fine, but be careful! Getting adventurous could enable his porn addiction! (Edit - ...what?)
What to do if I'm too loose to have sex? Answer: Kegel exercises! Just be careful not to accidentally buy sex toys when you shop for kegel exercisers online! (Edit - ಠ_ಠ )
What if my husband wants sex way more than I do? Answer: Joyfully and obediently give it to him whenever he wants it! (Edit - facepalm.jpg)
Here's what the husband wrote for the ad:
Due to be married soon? Not planning on staying faithful? Want to sleep with one of your soon-to-be husband's closest friends? Then THIS is the wedding dress for you!
This stunning, tuille swathed, ivory bridal gown has a proven track record of producing an adulterous, deceitful, double-crossing and traitorous "soulmate".
A one of a kind garment designed by Benedict Arnold, believed to be derived from the very cloth Judas Iscariot himself wore to the Garden of Gethsemane to betray the only son of God – Jesus Christ.
This harlot-sized ensemble will make you the envy of your trampish posse on your fraudulent wedding day.
As an added bonus, this dress gives you the "entitlement" to legally obtain over half of your husband-to-be's worldly possessions.
This dress is guaranteed to provide you with approximately two years of reasonable wedded mediocrity before the complete and utter disintegration of your relationship due to your extramarital promiscuity.
Cosmetically, the garment is in better condition than the marriage – not looking for much. Make an offer.
