wife

The Local reports that a Swedish Lego enthusiast recently put up an advertisement selling his entire 300 kg Lego collection for $11,500. He claims he's selling his massive cache of bricks to save his marriage. Allegedly his "old bag" of a wife gave him an ultimatum: "Get this s**t out" or it's over.

Utah man Jason Hewlett "cheated" on his wife, but she had no reason to even be upset.

Huh?

Well, he didn't really cheat on his wife. He saw a super sexy lady in line at Target and thought, "Boy, some guy is super lucky."

He then realized that woman was actually his wife! His Facebook post recounting this adorable story has been shared over 75,000 times.

The wife has a bad snore on her and after watching the Shawshank Redemption on RTE one night in 1994, I decided to do something about it so I waited til she was in a deep sleep and then set about digging a hole under the bed in the direction of the pub. I used all manner of tools from spoons to a heavy duty tunnel boring machine I managed to sneak down there when she was at the shops. It wasn't until 2009 that I hit the jackpot and came up through the women's toilet mop and bucket room.

Glorify God with your vagina! Christian marriage blog To Love, Honor, and Vacuum (ED - Oxford comma added) has tips on all facets of marriage and intimacy, all from a Good Christian Perspective. They address a number of questions one might have, but our favorites are:

1. Is it okay for Christians to use sex toys? Answer: Nope. "Most guys aren't that big. And they can't vibrate like that. Do you really want to get reliant on something your husband can never be for an orgasm?

2. What's a godly form of birth control? Answer: forget condoms, just watch the calendar, you'll be fine (Edit - no you won't).

3. What should I do if my husband wants to be adventurous in bed? Answer: it's fine, but be careful! Getting adventurous could enable his porn addiction! (Edit - ...what?)

4. What to do if I'm too loose to have sex? Answer: Kegel exercises! Just be careful not to accidentally buy sex toys when you shop for kegel exercisers online! (Edit - ಠ_ಠ )

5. What if my husband wants sex way more than I do? Answer: Joyfully and obediently give it to him whenever he wants it! (Edit - facepalm.jpg)