Writer @KeatonPatti has given birth to these bizarre and hilarious re-captions of items found on Antiques Roadshow. He's also the mind behind numerous fake Bot-written scripts like this hilarious Olive Garden Commercial. Anyway, here are some bonkers-ass antiques.

This customer needed a bit of a reality check. Someone's probably always listening. In this case, it's great the cashier was ready to share the fact that they did in fact speak Mandarin Chinese as well as English. Yes, it's possible to speak more than one language! Who'duh thunk it. 

If you suspect you're bad at your job, let's find the people responsible for putting braille onto a bumpy background and making the most climb-able "security" gate you've ever seen. Don't worry, you're not the worst at your job.

Learn from this man's painful mistake so that you don't repeat the process....

Every time you've had an awkward meal, your server has totally picked up on it. And if you're lucky, they tell that story about you all the time. Also, quick tip: it's probably a good idea to not propose at Olive Garden.

This man has mayonnaise coursing through is veins. He is not like the others, and we need to study his ways. 

If you've worked in the service industry you've likely encountered that aggressively disagreeable customer who refuses to reach a solution; and ultimately asks for the manager. These are the glorious stories of the moment they realized they were already talking to the manager.